While having emotional stability is the ideal, it is not something that everyone can relate to. But this doesn’t mean that the people who do experience emotional stability are always stable and go through life unscathed.
To be human means that we are emotional beings and so unless one has become emotional numb and cut off, they are going to experience emotional ups and downs. This is part of life and not something one should try to deny.
If one is in touch with both sides of their emotional spectrum, they will have moments of feeling good and of feeling not so good. Their reason for feeling down or low might be because they have experienced some kind of loss.
And loss, either through the loss of a person or a certain position that one had, will cause one to experience inner instability. There will be certain ideas about how long the pain will last, but human beings respond differently, so it’s not set in stone.
There are said to be five stages of grief for instance, but how long these stages last for will vary from person to person. It is not always a linear process either.
So when someone experiences emotional instability during moments of loss and a mild sense of instability at others times, they will be seen as fairly adjusted human beings. They are emotionally together and will not suffer from emotional instability as a way of life.
This is likely to mean that their behaviour is fairly consistent; simply because how they feel inside is generally the same. How they dress could also reflect this inner harmony and stop them from looking unkept.
And their ability to plan and organise is also going to be good. To do this, one needs to be able to think clearly and when their emotions are settled, this will naturally be a lot easier. It could be assumed that these people have less stress than others and that is why they are calmer.
There could be an element of truth to this, but what it also comes down to is the fact that they are more resilient. Challenges will appear and yet they are able to weather the storms and not let it affect them as much. So instead of making a mountain out of a mole hill, things will generally be kept in proportion.
This is going to allow one to feel a sense of balance and to enable their mind and emotions to work together. And if one has always experienced life this way, it will be hard for them to comprehend what it must be like for someone who doesn’t experience life in the same way.
For people who only know what it feels like to be emotional unstable, the above might sound like some kind of dream. They could come to the conclusion that life will always be this way for them.
Now, there are going to be different degrees of instability. For some people, this will be something that defines their whole life and for others, it may just appear during certain situations. But no matter when, where or how much it happens, it is going to create challenges for someone.
Being able to have a sense of inner balance and harmony is going to be a problem. Mood swings will be something they are familiar with and their behaviour is going to reflect this. One moment they may feel up and good about themselves and the next minute they are down and can’t bear to be in their own company.
This could take place from time to time or be a regular occurrence for them. And this means that their ability to plan and to organise things is going to be affected also. Erratic and impulsive behaviour could be what they are used to and this could lead to a whole host of problems.
For some people this may result in them over spending or over eating. One minute they might be pleasant and the next moment they might be unpleasant and even hostile. Plans might be made and then cancelled at the last minute.
Emotionally one may have become accustomed to feeling depressed and then know that before long, they will be full of life and ready to take on the world. This person’s style of dress could fluctuate to reflect their inner instability. These are just some examples and there are going to be many others.
What Is Going On?
When one is like this, they may end up being labelled as having some kind of disorder. This could then result in them forming a certain identity and as having a borderline personality or being bipolar.
And some people will say this is due to genetics and others will say it’s due to what happened during their childhood. Perhaps there is some truth in both views. However, what is perfectly clear is that when someone is suffering from emotionally instability, they haven’t got the ability to regulate their emotions.
This doesn’t exist for them and this causes their emotions to be completely out of control. It’s a bit like how a traffic light allows the traffic to be controlled and to not come all at once. Without the lights, all the traffic would go at once and there would be nothing but accidents and near collisions.
The traffic lights regulate the traffic and when it comes to a human being, having this inner ability stops one from being overwhelmed and taken out by their emotions. So as this ability is so vital, it can seem strange that one wouldn’t have it.
Having a caregiver that is empathic and aware is also vital, but this doesn’t always take place either. And when this is absent, it can cause one to grow up without the ability to regulate themselves.
So as a baby and a young child, one doesn’t have the ability to regulate how they feel. This means that they are completely dependent on their caregiver and the people around them at that time to regulate how they feel.
Now, if this is a caregiver that is empathic and available in most cases, one is likely to be fine. Through being regulated by their caregiver, they will soon internalise this ability and their brain will develop in the right way.
But when they are not available enough, or are more or less completely absent, this ability won’t form and one is left to deal with their emotions themselves. So not only will they not develop this ability, they will also have to disconnect from their emotions in order to avoid the emotional pain and to survive.
These emotions will have stayed trapped in their body and so not only will they have to deal with the present emotions that arise, they will also have to cope with the emotional build up from the past.
It won’t be like a rain drop, it will be like a tidal wave. And as these have built up for so long, it won’t be much of a surprise for someone to have so many ups and down. A rain drop won’t do very much, but if these rain drops were to build up over many years, there would be far more damage. And the same applies to ones emotions that have built up
There will be two things that need to happen here. The first is that one will need to release the trapped emotions from their emotional body and the second is that they will need to develop the ability to regulate themselves. Both of these can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Here, one will be able to get in touch with their emotions and gradually release them. And through the therapists or healers mirroring and attunement, one can gradually internalise what is taking place, thereby develop the ability to regulate themselves
This is unlikely to be something that happens over night, it could take many years. Everyone is different, so how long it will take will naturally vary from person to person.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.