Emotional Needs: Can Childhood Trauma Cause Someone To Disconnect From Their Emotional Needs?

When it comes to the needs that someone has, there will be at least three areas; their intellectual, emotional and survival needs. In order for them to live a fulfilling life, it will be essential for them to take care of each of these areas.

This is not to say that this is something that will need to always take place; however, it will need to be something that generally takes place. Still, although this will be the ideal, there is the chance that only two of these areas will be taken care of.

A Closer Look

Therefore, one could be in a position where they have somewhere to live, food on the table and even live in an area that is relatively safe. Furthermore, they could have access to an almost endless stream of information, the ability to be creative and be able to teach/assist others.

Even so, when it comes to their emotional needs, this could be an area of their life that is more or less always overlooked. As a result of this, a number of important needs are going to go unmet.

For Example

When it comes to their emotional needs, this will include the need to be seen and heard, loved, respected, accepted, valued and supported. Without having these needs met every now and then, let alone on a consistent basis, their life is likely to be very barren.

Having their other needs met - their survival and intellectual needs - will be better than nothing, but it won’t be enough. To be happy, joyful and to fulfil their need to experience a deep connection, it will be vital for them to resolve this.

A Hurdle

Nonetheless, even though one is in this position, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of it. In other words, they might not realise that they typically ignore their emotional needs.

What this could also mean is that they spend a lot of time being out of touch with these needs. By being this way, they are seldom going to be connected to the parts of themselves that would allow them to experience life differently.

Shut-Down

In general, then, their point of awareness could be in their head, which is why they are rarely in tune with their emotional needs. Consequently, they could often lose touch with their survival needs, such as their need to eat and sleep.

But, while they will be out of touch with their emotional needs, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to completely ignore the effects of this. So, they could find often feel frustrated and depressed but not know why.

A Challenging Time

If there are moments when they do come into contact with their emotional needs, this could be a time when they will experience a lot of pain. It could be as if a box has been opened and in this box is a deep sense of neediness.

One will then have gone from being almost totally needless to being extremely needy. The trouble is that this is likely to be a time when they will experience a fair amount of shame, guilt and feel deeply helpless, so it might not be long until this box ends up being closed once again.

Pain Management

As empty, lonely and miserable as their life is often going to be by living in this way, it can be seen as their only option. The pain that they come into contact with when they embrace their emotional needs is going to be too much for them to handle.

Additionally, if they were able to tolerate this pain and tried to get some these needs met, they could soon end up being criticised and rejected. Most likely, this is what they unconsciously, if not consciously, expected to happen.

What’s going on?

It can seem strange as to why someone would experience extreme pain when they embrace their emotional needs, so uncomfortable expressing them and totally powerless when it comes to getting them met. They should feel comfortable with them and expressing them and getting them met should be normal.

What this is likely to illustrate is that their emotional needs were rarely, if ever, met during their formative years. This may have been a stage of their life when they were neglected on a regular basis.

A Brutal Experience

Rarely having their needs met would have been incredibly painful, and, to handle this pain and to survive, they would have had to disconnect from their emotional needs. Losing touch with their needs and their body in the process would have been something that automatically took place.

After a while, they would have been totally estranged from their emotional needs and this would have stopped them from having to experience the pain of not getting their needs met. The downside to this is that they would have still suffered, had no connection to their true self and they would have stayed in a developmentally stunted state.

Awareness

In addition to the trauma that they experienced, there would have been the beliefs/associations that were formed. One can believe that their needs are bad and that there is something inherently wrong with them.

If one can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk