Emotional Pain: Can Someone Spend Their Whole Life Unconsciously Trying To Avoid Pain If They Experienced Developmental Trauma?
When it comes to someone’s life, there can be areas that are going well and areas that are not. If the areas of their life that are not going well have been this way for as long as they can remember, they could believe that there is very little that they can do.
This is likely to mean that what is going on out there will be seen as the issue and until this changes, their life will stay the same. What could also play a part here is that they may have done a number of things to try to change their life.
So, if they have played their part and very little if anything has changed, it is to be expected that they will believe that they can’t do anything about what is going on. Thanks to this, they could often feel like a powerless victim.
Until their life changes, then, they will just have to tolerate what is going on. There could be moments when they think about how different their life would be if certain areas of it were no longer the same.
The areas of their life that are not as they would like them to be could be their career and relationships, for instance. When it comes to the former, they might not have been able to get very far.
As for the latter, they might have a number of close friends but when it comes to an intimate relationship, they might not have made much progress. Perhaps they have never had an intimate relationship or maybe, whenever they have been in one, that’s if they have been in more than one that is, it has ended before long.
A Massive Hurdle
If they were to talk about these areas of their life, they could say that it is as if they continually come up against a brick wall. Thus, no matter what they do, they are unable to break through or get over it.
At this point, if it was put forward to them that they are playing a part in why their life is this way, they could dismiss what is said. Naturally, as they want their life to change and they have been playing their part, this is to be expected.
However, what they will need to keep in mind is that they have both a conscious and an unconscious mind. What this means is that even if they want one thing at a conscious level, it doesn’t mean that they want the same thing at an unconscious level.
When there is a mismatch, it won’t be possible for them to experience what they desire or if they are able to, it is unlikely to be long before their life goes back to how it was before. The challenge, of course, is that through not being aware of the fact that there is more than one part of them, it will seem as though what is going on externally is the problem.
Keeping the lid On
If they were to move forward in their career and to have a fulfilling intimate relationship, for instance, there is the chance that they would come into contact with a lot of deep pain. Thus, not experiencing this will cause them to experience pain but if their life was to change, it would be even worse.
For all this time and without being aware of it, they will have stopped themselves from truly moving forward in these areas of their life and perhaps others. This will also mean that they are not a powerless victim.
A Closer Look
What is likely to soon cross their mind is why they would be carrying so much pain and why it has taken them so long to become aware of this fact. This is likely to show that their early years were not very nurturing and that their brain blocked out what took place to protect them.
As a result of this, they would have been oblivious to the inner material that was defining their life from behind the scenes. Still, it is not that their unconscious mind has been doing its best to undermine them; it has been doing its best to allow them to keep it together and function.
If they were to go back in time, they may see that they were often neglected during their early years and when they were given attention, it was largely misattuned care. Not receiving the care that they needed would have caused them to experience a lot of pain
To handle this pain, their only option would have been to automatically repress how they felt and disconnect from themselves. This would have stopped them from being aware of what was going on but it wouldn’t have changed anything.
A Brutal Time
As they were powerless and totally dependent, they were unable to change what was going on or to find another caregiver. Now, many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life but the pain that they had to repress will continue to be held inside their brain and body.
Ultimately, keeping things as they are, as unfulfilling as this will be, will have unknowingly been a way for them to stop this pain from entering their conscious awareness. Taking into account how much pain they are likely to be carrying, it will take time for them to work through it, but, by doing this, they will gradually be able to move forward and freely express themselves.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.