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If a man is not in a good way, it doesn’t mean that they will end up reaching out for the support that he needs. He might not even share what is going on for him with his friends or family, for instance.
As a result of this, he could have a number of people in his life that would be happy to support him but it won’t matter. It will then be as though he is on an island in the middle of nowhere and there is no one else there. Inner World When it comes to why he is unable to open up and accept the support that may be around him, it could be because he feels ashamed of what he is going through. He could believe that he should be able to handle what he is going through. Furthermore, if he was to open up, he could believe that he will end up being judged and even rejected and abandoned. To be accepted and loved by others, then, he will have to pretend that he has it all together. His Experience As to why he is struggling right now, it could show that he often finds it hard to feel at ease and at peace, with him experiencing a fair amount of fear and anxiety. Along with this, he could often feel very low and totally helpless. Regardless of if he can relate to the first and/or the second experience, he could feel totally defeated and wonder how he is going to handle each day. Therefore, to say that each day will be a battle could be an understatement. A Heavy Weight With all this going on, it is going to be hard for him to maintain the impression that he has it all together and is doing fine. So much of his energy will be needed to keep him going that he won’t have much energy left to maintain a facade. One thing he may do to help him maintain this illusion is to drink alcohol and over-exercise. Of course, this won’t allow him to truly deal with what is going on but it will give him a much needed-boost and release tension. Too Much Still, even if he was to use alcohol and exercise to help him, he could end up getting to the point where he can’t take anymore. He could then think about ending his life, seeing this as his only way out. What is clear is that the sooner he receives the support that he needs, the better. The trouble is that due to what he believes will happen if he does; he is going to live in an invisible prison. Why Is This? There are likely to be a number of reasons why he feels the need to hide what is really going on for him. First, this could show that he lives in a society where it is normal for men to hide what is taking place within them from others. Being surrounded by men who are like this perhaps from a very early age, will then have had, and continue to have, a big impact on him. Deep down, he can believe that to be a man, he needs to act as though nothing ever fazes him. Another Element Second, he may have been brought up by a mother who was unable to be emotionally there for him. Throughout his formative years, he might have often been criticised, rejected and abandoned when he expressed his feelings. This would have played a part in him coming to see his feelings and his need for emotional support as a bad thing and as something that would put his very survival at risk. Being accepted and loved would then have been dependent upon him hiding himself, not being himself. One More Third, and this taps into the first point, his father might have been just as unsupportive towards his emotional self. He himself might have been shut down and therefore, was unable to truly be there for his son. His priority would then have been to turn him into another version of himself; someone who was out of balance and had more or less killed his emotional aspect. Most likely, his father treated him in the same way. A New Outlook The effect that each of these elements as well as others has had on him will be making his life harder than it needs to be. Ultimately, he is an interdependent human being that needs others and as he has an emotional self, having feelings and needing emotional support is part of the human experience. This is not to say that everyone will be able to support him if he opens up about how he feels, though, but what it does mean is that not everyone will end up criticising him and pulling away. The truth is that he is worthy of being supported for who he is, not for the role that he plays and reaching out for emotional support doesn’t make him less of a man. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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