Both men and women experience emotions, but it is often a lot harder for men to open up about how they feel. Now, if emotions were things that could simply be overlooked, this wouldn’t matter.
The trouble is that this is not the case, which is why it can lead to all kinds of problems when a man keeps how he feels to himself. If man was his own island, it wouldn’t be an issue if he didn’t open up.
If a man does have the tendency to keep his feelings to himself, it can be a sign that looking strong is a big part of who he is. This is not to say that he spends time thinking about how he needs to look strong; this can be something that just happens.
He is then not necessarily going to be consciously aware of this need, but it will be something that someone might realise if they got to know him. If he is surrounded by other men, for instance, who are the same, his behaviour is not going to stand out.
Coming across as though nothing ever fazes him is will then be normal, causing certain people to believe that he is incredibly strong. It can be as if he is the walking embodiment of Zeno’s stoicism.
This could mean that he comes across as the ‘alpha man’, but there is also the chance that he doesn’t fit this model. He might not be particularly popular or have lots of women around him.
A Different Species
Due to how unemotional he is, it could result in some people coming to the conclusion that he is from another planet. Unlike others, it will appear as though he is not affected by anything.
But, beyond the mask that he typically presents to the world, will be someone who is anything but settled. Behind the image that he presents to the world could be someone who is in pain.
Up To the Surface
When they are in their own company, they might end up being overwhelmed by how they feel. That is, of course, unless they end up consuming things to keep how they feel at bay.
Keeping this pain at pain is going to take a fair amount of energy, with this being energy that could be used more constructively. There could still be moments in their life when this approach doesn’t work, causing them to end up hitting rock bottom.
A Slow Climb
This could be something that lasts for a few hours or it may last for a few days. Once they are back on their feet, most likely with the help of a lot of will power, it might be business as usual.
There is the chance that something like this will take place a few times a month, or it could take place far more often. For their sake, along with their friends and family, hopefully one of these occurrences won’t send them completely over the edge.
A Bizarre Scenario
If man is going through all this, there is a strong chance that no one in his life is even aware of how much pain he is in. This is not going to be because these people don’t give a damn about him, it will be because he hasn’t revealed what he is going through.
One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that these people are not very aware; another way of looking at it would be to say that it simply shows that he is very good at deceiving others. And, if he has a strong need to look strong all the time, it is highly likely that coming across as vulnerable is something that he greatly fears.
This fear will be so strong, that putting up with intense pain can be seen as something that pales in comparison to what would happen if he opened up. He will be suffering, that much is clear, but the type of suffering that he is experiencing will be seen as the lesser of two evils.
What this can show is that his whole being is practically loaded with shame; opening up, and revealing what is actually going on for him, is then going to be seen as something that would cause him to be rejected and abandoned. Or to be more precise, it can be seen as something that would result in him being ostracised.
Why Is This?
If a man believes that he has to hide who he is and to put on an act all the time, it is likely to be due to what took place at the beginning of his life. Perhaps he was brought up in an environment where he was abused and/or neglected.
As a result of what took place, it would have set him up to believe that he was inherently flawed. Therefore, as there was something wrong with his essence, he would have had no other choice than to create a false-self that would allow him to be accepted by others.
If man finds that he does keep his pain to himself, it will be vital for him to reach out for external support. Ultimately, there is nothing inherently wrong with him; this is just something that he believes.
This external support can be provided by a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.