Emotional Regulation: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Be Emotionally Dependent?

When someone has the ability to regulate their own emotions, they are not going to be used to being overwhelmed by them. And even if they were to find themselves in a position where they were unable to handle what is taking place within them, it doesn’t mean that they would suffer in silence.
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Two Options

If this was to take place, they could end up reaching out for external support, and this may mean that they will get in touch with a friend or a family member, for instance. One is then going to have the ability to be there for themselves and to feel comfortable enough to ask someone else to be there for them.

This will show that one is emotionally strong and that they feel comfortable with their own needs. Through being able to be there for themselves and to reach out for support, it will show that one is an interdependent human being.

All Areas

Being this way is going to have a big effect on how they behave, and this is then going to have an effect on every area of their life. In addition to this, there will be the kinds of people who they are drawn to (and who are drawn to them).

What is absolutely clear is that they are not going to rely on one person to change how they feel. Consequently, the people in their life are likely be people who they want to spend time with, as opposed to people that they need to spend time with.

Healthy Relationships

The people in their life are then going to be people who have a positive effect on their wellbeing. Ultimately, one is not going to feel like a child who needs someone else to sooth them, and this is then going to stop them from seeing these people as parent figures.

Therefore, if they were to meet someone who doesn’t treat them very well, it is going to be a lot easier for them to cut their ties with them. But without even going this far, there will be effect it has on their ability to express their true-self.

Self-Expression

If they don’t agree with what one of their friends says, for instance, they will feel comfortable enough to speak out. The reason for this is that they are not going to have a fear of being abandoned.

This is also going to mean that they will be able to say no when they don’t want to do something and to stand their ground whenever they need to. Pleasing other people is going to be last thing on their mind.

Success

When one has the need to achieve something, they may find that they that don’t find it hard to take action. What this comes down to is that one won’t need someone else to hold their hand; they will feel strong enough to take the next step.

As if they were to experience fear or anxiety, for instance, they will know that they have what it takes to calm themselves down. The experiences they have had in the past of being able to do this will undoubtedly fill them with self-belief.

The Other Side

On the other hand, when one is unable to regulate how they feel, it is going to cause them to behave differently. In order for them to settle down, they will need to have someone with them.  

One is then going to be emotionally dependent on other people, and this is going to give others a lot of power over them. Alternatively, one could just sit with how they feel and end up being overwhelmed.

Addicted

Yet, regardless of whether one is dependent on others or just keeps their feelings to themselves, they could have a number of things that they can’t live without. Perhaps they drink a lot of alcohol or take a lot of drugs.

And while these kinds of things are not going to be good for them in the long run, what they will do is allow them to control how they feel. There are of course, some additions that are seen as being more acceptable than others.

One Purpose

If one does have people in their life that they are emotionally depended on, they are going to have a strong need to please them. Their need to feel secure is then going to take precedence over every other need that they have.

One could then find that they have a high tolerance for abuse or simply being around people who are not right for them. But no matter how bad their relationships are, this will be seen as being far better than the alternative.

Its Missing

From the outside, it will be clear that one is an adult, but based on how they experience life, it shows that they don’t feel like one. Emotionally, one is more like a child, and this is because a child is unable to regulate their emotions.

A child needs the people around them to soothe them and, after this has taken place for little while, they will no longer be this way. The trouble is that this doesn’t always take place, and this can then set them up to grow into an adult who can’t handle their emotions.

Awareness

Thus, when one is unable to regulate their emotions, it can mean that they were abused and/or neglected during their early years. This would have stopped them from being able to develop in the right way and it would have caused them to experience a lot of trauma.

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This can be provided by a therapist or a healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk