On a physical level, men and women are clearly very different; with men having features that relate to the masculine and women having features that relate to the feminine. And while this much is obvious and easily recognisable, what they are like within is not as easy to describe.
But as a rule, women are often seen as being emotional and men as logical. These are typically seen as the truth as to what men and woman are like on the inside. And based on this outlook, not only are they very different on the outside, they are also very different on the inside.
This view is generally supported by popular culture and through different historical sources. So as a result of this, when woman act emotional it is nothing more than what is expected of them and therefore it is accepted.
And when men come across as logical it is also what is expected from them and again, this is typically accepted. But when these ways reverse and women act logical and men act emotional, it is often frowned upon.
As these roles have been around for so long and engrained into human beings for many, many years, to see this role reversal can create a sense of discomfort; especially as men and women have been seen as so different for such a long time.
And when something has been a certain way for a while, when it does change, there is naturally going to be a period of unrest and unease. Shortly after this period or phase, comfort will start to appear and this new way will be accepted in most cases.
Once it is accepted, it will no longer be noticed and all or most opposition to it will disappear. If it doesn’t disappear, then it could be repressed and come out in ways that are unconscious.
Because what these changes in roles reveal is that on the inside, men and woman are not all that different. Women have emotions and yet they also have the ability to be logical. Men have a logical side and they too also have an emotional side.
Beyond conditioning and how each gender supposedly is or is not, men and women are inherently emotional beings. One of the main differences is that women are generally allowed to embrace their emotions and men are typically not allowed to.
When it comes to being a man, emotions are rarely mentioned. A man is someone who is unaffected by emotions, strong and stable. To be emotional and therefore vulnerable, is often seen as a sign that a man is weak and not yet a man.
So a man could then be forced into denying his emotional nature. But this doesn’t mean that a man would do this consciously; it could just happen as a result of their upbringing, social circle and the society that they live in.
And if they do become aware of what they are doing, they could feel that there is too much external pressure for them to be able to leave the role that they are playing .They are then either consciously or unconsciously denying a big part of who they are.
Just because one has lost touch with their emotions, it doesn’t mean that there will not be consequences. Some of these may be able to be overlooked and others will leave a big mark on their life.
However, if they have always been this way, these consequences could be seen as normal and even part of what it means to be a man. Evolutionary psychology might also end up being used, as a way to validate some of these ways of behaving.
When a man is emotionally cut off and doesn’t embrace the whole emotional spectrum, it can lead to two occurrences. A man can end up being very familiar with an emotion that is seen as being masculine and that is anger. For a man to be seen as being scared or sad is one thing, but to be seen as angry is all well and good.
Another option for a man is to be passive and generally emotionally numb. Nothing then lifts them and nothing lowers them; the middle ground is what they are familiar with.
The fact that men are often more violent than women, can perhaps be put down to them being more comfortable with expressing anger. Below the anger is going to be a feeling of being compromised or violated in some way. But instead of embracing these deeper emotions, like woman often do, men often get stuck in the anger.
A woman may express her pain to a close friend or family member or she could act it in, as opposed to acting it out like a man often does. Talking to people about how she feels allows her to process what took place and to not be controlled by the emotional consequences of the event.
When a man is cut off from his emotions, certain needs can end up being a mystery. And one of these is the need to experience physical intimacy. To experience this directly through a relationship could cause painful emotions to appear, such as being: smothered, trapped, overwhelmed and engulfed.
But as this need won’t go away, it can end up manifesting into a high sex drive and a man can have the desire to engage in interactions with woman that only consist of having sex. A man is often portrayed as someone who only wants sex and yet they are rarely seen as people who need physical intimacy.
Sex is a way for them to experience physical intimacy, without having to get in touch with how they truly feel. And if they were in a relationship, the pressure would be there for them to do so. And through being emotional cut off, it makes having just sex a lot easier. As if they are not aware of how they feel, there is no chance of them becoming attached to the other person.
This could explain why women are often seen as wanting a relationship and men as seen as just wanting sex. Women, though being in touch with how they feel, are able to embrace physical intimacy; whereas men don’t and channel this need into experiencing monetary intimacy through having sex.
To be emotionally repressed is also going to inhibit a man’s ability to have an intimate relationship. In order for one to from a deeper relationship with another person and to people in general, they need to be emotionally connected.
This is how intimacy is created, without it; no depth is going to be experienced. And when a relationships ends, women have their friends to go to for support. But when this happens to a man, because they are not emotionally in tune with themselves, their friends are usually the same and this means that they can end up suffering in silence.
The need will be there to reveal how they feel and yet to do this as a man can cause them to be labelled in some way. So drugs, sex and alcohol can be used to deal with the pain indirectly. And depression can also arise from not dealing with the pain of a relationship ending, as well as be a consequence of them denying their emotions in general.
It is often said that women grow up faster than men and one reason for this could be due to women being in touch with their emotions. To avoid them doesn’t make them go away, what it can do is cause one to stay emotionally stuck.
And if a man has repressed his emotions since he was a child, then it is not going to be much of a surprise when he comes across as not having grown up or emotionally developed.
These are just some ways that repression can impact a man’s life and there are many others. If a man has repressed their emotions for a while it could mean that they have a lot of trapped emotions in their body.
And these will need to be realised before they can feel comfortable with their emotions and feel emotionally balanced. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or healer, or through a supportive friend or partner.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.