If one was to think about someone who is emotionally strong, they may start to think about someone who always comes across as though are unaffected by their emotions. This can then mean that they will picture someone who is rarely, if ever, angry or sad, for example.
Alternatively, they may think about someone who experiences emotions from both sides of the spectrum. But while they experience them, they don’t end up defining their life, and this is because they are able to acknowledge how they feel on one side and to carry on with their life on the other.
It could be said that it is normal for one to believe that people who are emotionally strong come across as though they are unaffected by life, and this is partly because of how they are often portrayed in the media. However, when someone behaves in this way, it could be a sign that they are emotionally disconnected.
In this case, it shows that the reason they come across as though they are unaffected by life could be because they are out of touch with their emotions. And if one is out of touch with how they feel, it is going to be normal for them to come across as though they are ‘strong’.
Gaining One Thing, Losing Another
Through being disconnected from how they feel, there is not going to be much chance of them coming across as though they lack self-control. Yet, what it is likely to mean is that they are going to experience other problems.
If they are out of touch with how they feel, they are also going to be out of touch with the feedback that their emotions provide. This could then mean that their life is more challenging than it needs to be, and they might also find it hard to connect with others.
It is through one being in touch with their own emotions that it is possible for them to tune into how another person is feeling. Another way of looking at this is to say that in order for one to empathise with others, they need to be able to empathise with themselves.
The connection they have with themselves will then allow them to connect in the same way with others. It is often said some that people who are successful in the business world are not as successful when it comes to relationships, and this can be a sign that they are out of touch with their emotions.
Clearly the business world is now changing, but in the past it was normal for someone in a high position to lack emotional awareness. And while this would have allowed them to gradually climb up the ladder, so to speak, it might not have lead to the same success when it came to their relationships.
In fact, they may have been in a position where it wasn’t possible for them to experience real intimacy. So even though they may have been extremely successful when it came to their career, it could have been a completely different story when it came to their relationships.
When it is possible for someone to embrace both sides of their emotional spectrum without losing their self-control, it could be said that they have the ability to contain their emotions. In this case, they can acknowledge how they feel, and while they can embrace how they feel, it doesn’t mean they will lose their self-awareness in the process.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they can respond to their emotions in the same way that a loving mother would respond to her emotional baby. The conscious part of them can embrace how they feel, and if they need to cry, they can cry, and if they are angry, they can find out they feel this way, for instance.
If one can’t contain how they feel and they are not disconnected from what is taking place within them, they can come across as though they have no emotional control. This can be a sign that they don’t have the ability to contain their emotional experience, and as a result of this, it is going to be normal for them to feel like an emotional baby who has been abandoned.
The part of them that will allow them to experience anger without harming themselves or another person, or to cry without feeling as though they will be overwhelmed, for instance, has not been developed. Therefore, emotions are not just going to be seen as something that one experiences; they are going to be seen as things that one has no control over.
If one is in this position, they are going to want to experience life differently, and this could mean that they try to develop their mind. They may start to think differently and to work on for their breathing, for instance.
Another approach would be for them to look at how they respond to certain emotions, and then to change these responses. After developing their mind and changing their behaviour, they may find that they start to experience emotional strength.
However, one may try this approach and find that it doesn’t work, and this can be a sign that they also need to work on their emotional body. The mind is often seen as the most important area, and this can cause one to go down the wrong path, so too speak.
When one can’t contain their emotions, it can be a sign that their emotions were not acknowledged whilst they were growing up. As a result of this, it wasn’t possible for them to develop this part of themselves, and even though the mind is seen as the most important area, it is something that develops after the emotional body.
This is why it is said that emotional development has an effect on one’s intellectually development. So when one doesn’t receive the attunement that they needed, not only will they not have the ability to contain (or regulate) their emotions, there can also carry a lot of emotional pain.
The emotions they experience in their day-to-day life can then be influenced by the emotional pain that has build-up throughout their life. It is then easy to see why one would find it hard to handle their
When it comes to developing one’s emotional strength, it will be important for them to release the emotions that have built-up within them, and to receive the attunement that they didn’t receive all those years ago. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
As this is unlikely to be something that happens overnight, it will be important for one to be persistent and patient.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.