If someone’s emotions are not settled and they are all at sea, so to speak, there is the chance that they are going through a challenging time. Or, it could show that something in their life has had a big impact on them.
The next step might be for them to reach out to a friend or a family member, for instance, for support. When it comes to the person who they reach out to, this could be someone they know they can trust.
The Next Step
As one talks about what is going on for them, the other person may simply listen to what they have to say. Along with this, this person may also validate what they are saying by showing concern and repeating some of what they have said, among other things.
One might be pleased with how this person is responding and be grateful that they are spending time together. It will then be clear that they didn’t want this person to do anything for them; they simply wanted them to be there.
They would have lacked inner stability; with this being the reason why they reached out for someone who could provide them with external stability. In the same way that taking water out of the sea and putting it into a bucket would gradually settle the water down, spending time around someone who is settled would have had a similar effect.
So, thanks to the external structure that this person provided, spending a little while in their company would have allowed them to slowly regain their centre. Taking this into account, the only thing this person needed then was the ability to hold the space, not to be a trouble shooter.
This can be seen as an example of what happens when someone is fully identified with their feminine aspect. This part of them will give them the need to express what is going on for them.
What they won’t want is for another person to stop this from taking place or to start telling them what they need to do to change their life. Like water, their emotions will just want to go wherever they want to go, not to be restricted in any way.
The Other Part
This is then very different to the masculine aspect, which wants to find a solution to a problem and to move things forward. To this part, expressing emotions and talking about them can seem like a waste of time.
Bearing this in mind, it can be easy to see why two people can clash when one of them is fully indentified with their feminine nature and the other is fully indentified with their masculine nature. It will be hard for these two people to connect and to feel as though they speak the same language.
The person who simply wants their feelings to be acknowledged can end up feeling invalidated and as though the other person doesn’t care about them. It can seem as though this person just doesn’t get them.
On the other hand, the person who is in problem solving mode can believe that the other is merely wasting time and even acting like a child. They won’t be able to comprehend why this person doesn’t want to hear about what they can do to change their life, so that they can move forward.
Black and White
It would be easy to say that all women are emotional and all men are logical, yet life isn’t this black and white. There are men who can be more attached to their feminine aspect and women who can be more attached to their masculine aspect.
Not only this, regardless of how attached someone is to one aspect, there can still be moments when they have completely indentified with the other. This can be what happens if someone’s life has changed in some way.
Let’s say that someone loses a loved one, this could have a dramatic effect on their behaviour. Before this took place, they may have been an emotional person, only to shut down emotionally after this took place.
Then again, they may have been someone who was highly intellectual, only to become extremely emotional after this occurred. Their change in behaviour could last for quite some time, too.
If someone has a friend or a family member who reaches out for emotional support, the only thing that they may need to do is to show up and to listen. This might be hard for them to do if they are used to solving problems, but it will be what the other person actually needs at this time in their life.
It might take a while for them to get used to behaving in this way if they are used behaving in the opposite manner. What it will do, however, if save them energy and it may have a positive effect on their relationships in general.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.