Emotionally Dependent: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Be Emotionally Dependent On Others?

In order for someone to be able to express their true-self, it will be essential for them to be an integrated human being. What this means is that their mind (thoughts), heart (emotions) and body (instincts) will generally work together.

Through being this way, they will be in touch with their needs and they will be able to go about fulfilling them. There will be no reason for them to focus solely on other people’s needs and to do what they can to please them.

Boundaries

So, if they were asked if they would like to do something and they didn’t want to do it, there would be no need for them to say yes. The connection that they have with themselves will have allowed them to realise that they didn’t want to do something, and their inner strength will have allowed them to make this clear.

It won’t have mattered if a close friend or their partner had asked them, for instance, as they won’t be interested in neglecting themselves. And, as this is how they are, they probably won’t expect other people to neglect themselves either.

Taking Action

Once they become aware of something that they want to achieve or experience, they may end up taking the first step. Their self-belief will play a part, as will their ability to listen to themselves.

They won’t need anyone to give them permission before they do anything or for someone else to be there every step of the way. This doesn’t mean that they won’t need other peoples support; what it means is that they will be able to take their own initiative.

A Fulfilling Existence

Being aware of their needs and being able to fulfil them is going to allow them to lead a life that is deeply meaningful. This doesn’t mean that they will always be able to fulfil their needs or that they won’t have set backs, though.

When it comes to the people in their life, they are likely to experience life in a similar way. Along with being connected to themselves, they will do what they can to fulfil their needs, and this is going to show that they are also empowered human beings

Emotional Regulation

If their emotions ever get out of control and they are unable to handle them, there will be people in their life who they can reach out to. One is then going to have the ability to be with how they feel and they will feel comfortable enough to open up to others when this is not possible.

This will mean that one won’t be dependent on others and neither will they try to do everything by themselves – they will have embraced the fact that they are an interdependent human being. There is the chance that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember.

The Other Side

Experiencing life in this way could be seen as the ideal, and this is because one won’t have the tendency to neglect themselves. However, while this is how some people will experience life, there are going to be plenty of others who experience life differently.

In this case, someone’s primary purpose is going to be to please other people. When it comes to their inner world, they are going to find it hard to feel centred and at peace, which is why they will need to make sure that they don’t displease others.

The Main Priority

Thus, in the same way that an unstable building will need scaffolding; they will need external stability to make up for their inner instability. Unlike the person above, they will find it hard to handle their own emotions, and this is why they will be emotionally dependent on others.

And, even if they are aware of their true needs and feelings, it doesn’t mean that they will pay attention to their needs or show how they feel. In order to please other people, they will need to tune into their needs and feelings and to disregard their own.

Self-Abandonment

Deep down, they may believe that if they were to listen to their own needs and feelings, it would cause them to be abandoned by others. This would result in them being overwhelmed by their emotions.

The trouble is that by doing everything they can do make sure that other people don’t abandon them, they are abandoning themselves. And the reason why they expect to be abandoned can be due to the fact that they feel worthless.

Three Challenges

Firstly, they feel the need to hide their needs and feelings, secondly, they are unable to handle their emotions, and thirdly, they feel worthless. Yet, even though this might be what is normal for them, it doesn’t mean that they were born this way.

The reason why they are experiencing life in this way is likely to be the result of what their early years were like. This may have been a time when their developmental needs were not met, with them being abused and/or neglected instead.

The Outcome

Through being treated in this way, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them and it would have stopped them from being able to develop the ability to handle their emotions. This may have also been a time when they had to take care of their caregivers needs.
 
Disconnecting from their true-self and creating a false-self would then have been something that they had to do to survive. But while ignoring themselves allowed them to survive during this stage of their life it is now causing them to suffer.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk