There are a number of reasons as to why someone would end up getting into self-development. One reason that this can take place is because their emotions are rarely under control.
Having an emotional self that is often out of control is going to make it hard for them to experience a sense of control and to behave however they want to behave. Additionally, they could find that the emotions they often experience make it hard for them to feel good about themselves - to experience self-love.
And Old Experience
Before they got into self-development, there is the chance that their life was like this for a little while. Perhaps, it had been this way for many, many years, with them struggling to think of a time when it was different.
If there has been a time when it has been different, this moment in their life might not have lasted for very long. Irrespective of how long this has been, they will want their life to change.
A Number of Options
When it comes to what they can to do to gain control of their emotions, they are likely to come across a number of different tools. But before they get to this stage, they could soon learn that their thoughts control how they feel.
As a result of this, in order for them to settle down and to feel good about themselves, they will need to gain control of their thoughts. What takes place in their mind (thoughts) is then going to define what takes place their body (emotions).
The first step will be for them to become aware of what is taking place in their mind; without this, they won’t be able to do anything about what is taking place. Through becoming aware of the thoughts that they have, they will be able to change them.
Taking this into account, one won’t be trying to change how they feel and getting caught up with what is taking place at an emotional level. Another thing that they could learn is that their behaviour also plays a part in how they feel, which means that they will need to change their behaviour.
A Gradual Transformation
Over time, and through applying what they have learnt, they may find that their inner world slowly changes. Their thoughts can generally be positive as can their feelings, which will naturally have a positive effect on their wellbeing.
Not only will they feel different but some of the people in their life could notice a stark difference in them. This could mean that some of them will ask them if they have found someone, for instance, believing that this is why they are in a good place.
Conversely, one may find that this approach doesn’t have much of an effect on them. Their emotions could still typically be out of control and they could find it difficult to feel good about themselves.
At this point, they could believe that they are not doing something right. Therefore, if they were to do something slightly different, or to keep going, what is taking place inside them would start to change.
A Different Person
This could be the case or it could show that they need to try another approach altogether. Now, while this approach might not work, it could also cause someone to slowly disconnect from how they feel.
Nonetheless, one might not realise what is going on, due to the fact that they will be happy that they are no longer being controlled by how they feel and don’t feel as bad about themselves. Throughout this time, and providing that they have the right thoughts and even use affirmations, for instance, they will gradually lose touch with how they really feel.
Why Is This?
Consequently, some of the people in their life could notice that while they appear to be happier, it comes across as an act. This is because how they feel will be forced; it won’t be the result of how they really feel.
What this will come down to is that while what is going on up top (their thoughts) can define how they feel down below (their emotions and feelings) this is not always how it works. Said another way, their thoughts can define how they feel and they can trigger feelings that are already inside them.
An Inevitable Outcome
With this in mind, if one tries to change how they feel by changing their thoughts and using affirmations, for instance, and doesn’t actually deal with how they feel, it is to be expected that they will end up losing touch with this part of their being. The good feelings that they end up experiencing will be a product of their mind, and this is why they will lack any kind of depth.
This doesn’t mean that what they have pushed down will stay down, though, as there could be times when how they actually feel comes up to the surface. When this happens, one could end up falling apart or hitting rock bottom.
If one can relate to this, and they want to become an integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
During this time, they may find that the painful feelings that are causing them problems are a consequence of trauma. There may have been at least one moment in their life when they felt overwhelmed and thus, were unable to integrate what took place.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.