Even though human beings are emotional beings, it doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet is in touch with how they feel. There are likely to be people who are unable to connect to their feelings.
However, even if one isn’t completely disconnected from this part of themselves, it doesn’t mean that they won’t be able to relate to how they experience life. And this is because they may have had moments when they experienced life in the same way.
A Big Difference
Having said that, even if one has had moments where they were unable to tune into their feelings, it might be a challenge for them to relate to people who are always like this. This could come down to the fact this is something that they have rarely experienced, and as a result of this, they might not be able to truly grasp what it would be like.
But if the experiences they have had allow them to put themselves in the other person’s shoes, so to speak, they will see that they are having a radically difference experience. Through imagining what it would be like to always experience life in this way, one might start to experience a sense of gratitude.
When one has been out of touch with their feelings, it could have been the result of some kind of trauma. This would then have caused them to disconnect from their body.
Perhaps one was involved in a car accident and/or experienced some kind of violence, for instance. Through disconnecting from their feelings, one would have been able to protect themselves.
A Defence Mechanism
If they were exposed to what was taking place within them, it would have overwhelmed them, and this is why this defence mechanism would have been utilised. Their priority would not have been to experience what was taking place within them; it would have been to survive.
Once the experience was over, one would have gradually got back in touch with their body. This could have been something that took place by itself, or they may have needed the assistance of some kind of therapist.
A Whole Human Being
It would then have been possible for them to feel like a whole human being as opposed to someone who lives on the surface of themselves. Not only would this have allowed them to connect to their feelings again, it would also have allowed them to connect to their needs.
What this shows is that when one is out of touch with their feelings, they are also going to be out of touch with their true needs. In this case, if one is out of touch with their body, they are also going to be out of touch with their true-self.
The Full Spectrum
When one is out of touch with how they feel, they are unlikely to have moments when they feel bad, and this also means that they are unlikely to have moments when they feel good. On one side, this means they won’t experience emotional lows, but this also means they won’t be able to experience emotional highs either.
Through being numb, it could cause one to gravitate towards things that will allow them to feel alive. This could happen through drinking, taking drugs, having sex and/or participating in extreme sports, for instance.
And while they may have people in their life, they are unlikely to be able to experience intimacy. Intimacy is something that takes place when one shares what is taking place within them, and when one is unaware of how they feel, they are not going to be able to share this part of themselves.
Through being this way, there is a strong chance that they will also attract other people who are the same. As a result of this, some of the people they spend their time with are going to feel comfortable in their presence.
However, if one can’t feel anything it might matter if they are with others or if they are by themselves, as their experience of life can be the same. They are likely to see themselves as being disconnected from everything and everyone.
This shows how the connection one has with themselves defines the kind of connection they have with everything else. Therefore, if one is disconnected from their own being, it is going to cause them to suffer.
If one was to experience physical pain, there is a strong chance that they would reach out for support. The same can’t always be said when it experiencing emotional pain, and instead or reaching out for support, one can do everything they can to avoid how they feel.
One thing that can cause one to experience emotional pain is loss, and this is something that is part of life. Yet, even though loss is part of life, it doesn’t mean that this pain is always processed.
What Can Happen
Instead of working through their grief, one can disconnect from how they feel, and while this might allow them to feel better in the short-term, it can cause them to disconnect from their emotions in the long-term. What made their life easier at one point in time is then going to make their life harder at another point in time.
This could be a sign that one have experienced a number of losses in a short period of time and it was then too overwhelming for them to face their pain, or they might have been focused on supporting the people around them and this would have stopped them from being able to be with their own pain, for instance. As a result of this, they wouldn’t have been able to mourn the grief that was within them.
If one can relate to this and believes that they are carrying trapped grief, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This could be something that comes from a therapist and/or a support group.
They can then supply the support that one needs to gradually get in touch with how they feel and to cry out the pain that is within them. This is unlikely to be something that happens over night, and this is why one will need to be patient and persistent.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.