While emotions are often seen as a distraction and an inconvenience, they are a vital part of being human. Without them, life would be pretty meaningless and while there wouldn’t be any lows, there also wouldn’t be any highs either.
It would lead to a life that is very empty and although one might be alive, it would be nothing more than a life of simply existing or surviving. So this could be a life that makes one wonder if life is really worth living.
When one goes to sleep, they typically lay on a bed that is comfortable and soft. And this allows them to relax and to have the potential of a good night’s sleep. Their body can connect to the bed, without needing to retract or tense up. Quiet simple, they can let go and just be.
If they were to sleep on concrete or on a wood floor, the experience wouldn’t be the same. Here, one will feel tense, uptight and pain is likely to arise. And if this person was to let go and just be, they will probably feel worse than if they pull themselves together and maintain a closed position.
A Matter Of Degree
This example is, in many ways, what it can be like for someone who is emotionally disconnected. There is not much comfort or pleasure to be had; what there is likely to be is a sense of being cut off and that something is missing. How disconnected one is, will often define how one does or doesn’t experience life.
One could feel disconnected at certain times in their life and so they don’t see it as a problem. It could be seen as a minor issue and so it is overlooked. And there can be other people who feel completely disconnected and it therefore doesn’t matter where they are or who they are with.
So one could come to the conclusion that they are cut off or they could have been in this position for so long, that they are unaware of life being any different.
If emotional development and awareness was part of the education system or society in general, then one would have a way of not only knowing that they are disconnected, but also find it easy to come across solutions to this challenge.
However, as emotions are generally ignored in today’s world, it means that there is rarely anything external that will supply one with the feedback they need to see that something is not right. Through not having this external mirror or catalyst, one can end up coming to the conclusion what what they are going through is how life is and normal.
When it comes to ones physical health, there are plenty of things around to show someone that if they have a certain symptom, that something is not right. But the same approach is not available when it comes to emotional challenges.
One thing that someone can do when they feel emotionally disconnected is to engage in pursuits that will give them an extreme high. The problem is that while these will work, they don’t last and before long one is back to where they started and this could mean one is back to feeling numb once more.
Here could take part in some kind of extreme sports; pushing their body to the limits in order to feel something. Or they could become hooked on going to the gym to feel that rise in their life. Sex is another option that can give one an instant experience of feeling something.
As are tattoos and although getting them done is painful, it allows one to feel something. And there are drugs, drink and food and these all have the potential to give one an emotional high.
When one is not experiencing these highs and artificially getting in touch with their feelings, there is going to be all kinds of consequences that can arise as a result of being emotionally disconnected. One of these can be a disconnection from one’s body and their body can feel separate from them.
So what it does or doesn’t do is then random and out of their control. And along with this physical disconnection, can be the experience of being separate from people and so one can feel alone and isolated. One could find themselves saying yes to things they would rather not do and being in situations they would rather not be in.
Their needs, wants and desires could also be a mystery to them; knowing when they are hungry could be challenge and when they are tired. It could well be possible that they have plenty of friends, but it is less likely that they will have any relationships that are deep or intimate. Relationships are likely to be superficial and without any kind of depth.
And to be out of touch with how one feels will mean that one is oblivious to the effects that their feelings are having. So what shows up in their life and how people respond to them will appear random; because one won’t be able to see the connection between their inner and outer world.
When one lives in their head and is estranged from their body, is a clear sign that one is carrying a certain amount of emotional pain. And that this emotional pain has become trapped in their body.
This could be the result of experiences in their adult life and go back to what happened to them as a baby and a child. And it could have be a one of event that was traumatic or an accumulation of events that while seemingly insignificant at the time, were just as traumatic.
One may have been brought up by a caregiver who was emotionally out of touch with themselves and therefore couldn’t provide the attunement or empathy required to raise an emotionally healthy child.
So as there was no external mirror to validate and regulate how one felt, one had to simply push their feelings and emotions out of their awareness. At that age, one wouldn’t have had the ability to deal with them themselves.
Over time their body would have become a place of pain and living in their head would have provided an escape. But although it enabled one to avoid pain, it also resulted in them being cut off from every other emotion in the process.
The above is a rough guideline of what can happen. These emotions and feelings that have remained trapped in one’s body will need to be released in order for one to regain their connection to their body and to their emotions.
This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to face their trapped feelings and emotions and gradually release them.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.