What someone may find, that’s if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that when they are around others, they have the tendency to lose touch with how they feel. This is then going to be something that just happens as opposed to something that they consciously choose to do.
As a result of this, they could wonder why this takes place and if they will ever be able to experience life differently. They could be at the point where they have well and truly had enough of experiencing life in this way.
What this comes down to is that by experiencing life in this way, it is not going to be possible for them to deeply connect with others. This is then going to have an impact on their ability to form deep friendships and have an intimate relationship.
For this to take place, they will need to be in touch with and express their feelings when they are with another person. They will be able to share what is taking place at a mental level, of course, but without being able to share what is taking place at an emotional level, they will only be able to form a surface-level connection.
If they were to look back on their life, they may find that they were only able to go so far when they were in a relationship. Due to not being able to stay connected to their feelings, they won’t have been able to take the next step.
This could have been a time when they were not only baffled about what was going on but felt extremely frustrated and helpless and hopeless. Consequently, they might have wanted the relationship to go further but simply not be in a position to make this a reality.
In fact, this might have been something that has taken place on more than one occasion. At first, they might have believed that it was the other person but after this took place a second or third time, for instance, it became clear that it wasn’t.
Based on how they behave when they get into a relationship, then, it will be as though they are not a whole human being. It will be as if they have a physical and mental self, yet they are lacking an emotional self.
If they were to think about what may have happened to them that has caused them to be this way, their mind could go blank. This could cause them to come to the conclusion that they were simply born this way.
What this might do is put their mind at rest but what it is unlikely to do is fill them with the belief that their life will ever change. Most likely, they will believe that they will have to put up with what is going on for the rest of their life.
Joining the Dots
If this is how their life has been for as long as they can remember, there is the chance that it relates to what took place during their formative years. The reason why they are unable to realise this is likely to be due to their brain having blocked out what took place to allow them to keep it together and function.
Their conscious mind will then have forgotten all about it but their unconscious mind won’t have. It will be their unconscious mind that is causing them to lose touch with how they feel around others.
At this level, they are likely to believe that it is not safe for them to be in their body and be connected to how they feel around others. This is likely to be seen as something that is a risk to their very survival.
Therefore, this part of them is not causing them to disconnect from themselves to harm them; it is doing this to keep them alive. Upon hearing this, someone could wonder why being in their body and connected to how they feel and opening up emotionally is seen as a threat.
When it comes to why they came to believe this during their formative years, it could be because this was a time when they were mistreated by one or both of their parents. Perhaps they were physically harmed throughout this stage of their life.
If so, they would have felt extremely vulnerable and exposed and it would have been too painful for them to feel their feelings. Disconnecting from their body and their feelings would have been a way for them to not be overwhelmed and to protect themselves.
It just happened
Their brain would have automatically repressed the pain and arousal inside them and they would have gone into a shut down, disconnected, collapsed and frozen state. Over time, their conscious mind would have forgotten all about what happened.
Ultimately, as they were powerless and totally dependent, they were unable to fight back or find another family who could love and protect them. Their only option was to lose touch with what was going on inside them and become a divided being.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.