By taking a step back and thinking about how some of the people in their life behave, one could come to the conclusion that they are very different. The reason for this is that one could see these people as being very emotional.
If they were to describe themselves, they could say that they are not very emotional. It might not stop there, though, as some of the people in their life could say the same thing about them.
Who They Are
This could be how they have been for as long as they can remember which could cause them to believe that this is just how they are. So, in the same way that some people are born with light or dark hair; they will have just been born this way.
Having this outlook might put their mind at rest and give them something to say it if another person ever asks them why they are this way, but it won’t change their life. They are still going to have to deal with the challenges that will arise through being this way
Throughout their life, they may have often found that it has been hard for them to know what do to. This can relate to what to do in each moment of it and what they want to do with their life in general.
In other words, connecting to their true needs won’t be easy. As a result of this, it can be normal for them to do what other people want and what they think they want.
One and the Same
Not having a strong connection to their true needs is going to make it hard for them to live a fulfilling existence. The only way that this will change is if they develop a strong connection and their life starts to reflect who they are.
It might seem strange as to why not having a strong connection to their emotional self would make it hard for them to life a fulfilling life, but there is a clear reason for this. Their true needs are located in the same part of their being.
Their feelings and their true needs will be found in their body, so as they are generally out touch with these two elements, it will show that they don’t have a good connection to their body. They are going to spend a lot of their time in their head, rarely being in the other part of their being
This is not to say that they will consciously choose to live in this way; it will be just how their life is. Still, one of the benefits to being this way is that they might not struggle to think clearly, with them having a well-developed intellect.
Yet, although this might not be an issue, what will most likely be an issue is forming deeper connections with others. The part of themselves that will allow them to form strong attachments, their emotional self, won’t be there.
Their friendships with others can then be very surface-level and if they have ever been in an intimate relationship, it might have soon ended. Without a connection to their feelings, they wouldn’t have been able to grow closer to the other person, let alone to express how they felt
A Miserable Existence
Being this way will probably mean that they are used to feeling frustrated and angry, and they may have even felt deeply depressed and even suicidal. They won’t have a sense of wholeness or feel alive, that is unless they consume something.
If they were connected to their body, and their emotional self, it would allow them to experience a sense of wholeness and to feel alive. The emptiness and deadness that they may often feel would disappear.
If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were extremely traumatic. Perhaps this was a time when they were neglected and/or abused on a weekly, if not daily, basis.
As they were powerless and dependent, along with being in an undeveloped state, they wouldn’t have been able to fight back or to run away, so their body would have frozen up and they would have had to disconnect from their body in order survive. If this hadn’t taken place, the pain that they were in would have been too overwhelming for them to handle.
Life or Death
One will then be pretty emotionless as an adult, but their early years would have been a time when they experienced a lot of strong feelings and sensations. And as this was too much for their undeveloped being to cope with, their system would have shut down to keep them alive.
What this is going to mean, then, is that behind their cold exterior and inner numbness will be a lot of emotional pain and trauma. The defences that they have in place will keep all this arousal/energy at bay.
A Gradual process
If all of these defences were removed and this pain was released, this pain would be too much for them to handle. Once again, they would feel like a powerless child who is unable to do anything about what is going on.
This is why this is not something that can be forced or rushed; if it is, it could lead to a lot of unnecessary problems and even death. It is a case of working through one layer at a time and being patient and persistent.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.