Emotionally Stuck: Can Developmental Trauma Cause Someone To Be Emotionally Stuck?

Even though someone will physically look like an adult, it doesn’t mean that they will feel like one. Consequently, how they look won’t match up with what is taking place inside them.

By being this way, their life is likely to be far harder than it would be otherwise. In fact, just about every day of their life could be one big struggle or it would be it if wasn’t for what other people do for them.

One Experience

They could spend a lot of time feeling helpless and hopeless and not receive the support that they need. It could often be a struggle for them to get out of bed each day, with them lacking the energy and the drive to do anything.

If they do have a job, then, it can typically be a challenge to get there, perhaps a challenge once they are there and a relief to leave. When they are at home, they could simply watch TV or engage in something else that will consume their attention.

Another Experience

Then again, they could live a life that is very similar to this but there could be a number of people in their life that do a lot for them. These people can be more like parental figures than friends, though.

They could support them financially, help them to make most of their decisions, stand up for them, and essentially tell them how to live their life. Therefore, they will go above and beyond what normal friends would do.

One Focus

When one is around one of their friends and even around someone who isn’t, they could generally lose themselves. What this means is that they will be who other person wants them to be or who they think they want them to be and lose touch with their inner world.

Most of the people in their life, then, are not going to know who they really are but that doesn’t mean that these people will realise this. This is not to say that one will consciously choose to be this way, however, as it will probably just happen.

Emotionally Dependent

So, taking action and being responsible for their life is going to be difficult as will expressing who they are. The reason for this is that they won’t feel strong and capable and expressing who they are will be seen as a threat to their survival.

What this will illustrate is that they don’t feel emotionally strong or as though they can handle being by themselves. If this wasn’t the case, they would be able to take action and expressing themselves wouldn’t be an issue.

One Outlook

It would be easy to say that they need to ‘grow up’ and to finally stand on their own two feet; to no longer expect other people to do just about everything for them. It could be said that they lack the willpower that is needed to handle life.

Based on this, if they could just get their mind (act) together, they would be able to change their life. This could be seen as a very mental approach and one that is a natural outgrowth of living in a society that is mind-centred.

Another Outlook

Alternatively, it could be said that what is going on for them has got very little to do with their mind and a lot to do with their emotional body/self. If their appearance was put to one side and someone was to purely think about how they behave, it might soon occur to them that their behaviour has more in common with a small child.

At the same time, they may say that their behaviour is a reflection of someone who is far younger than a child. Now, at this point, it could seem strange as to why an adult would feel and behave in a way that is more like a child.

Going Deeper

At first, it could seem as if they are choosing to be this way and simply don’t want to grow up. Nonetheless, there is a strong chance that they were unable to emotionally grow beyond the stage of a child or even an infant and are thus, not choosing to be this way.

This can show that their early years were not very nurturing, with this being a stage of their life when their needs were seldom if ever met. Ergo, instead of being able to go through each developmental stage, they would have been deeply traumatised and stayed at the stage they were at.

Weak Foundations

To use an analogy, they will be like a house that is built on sand and while it will have structure, it will lack the walls and windows that would complete it. Receiving the right care would have allowed them to develop strong foundations – a strong core.

This would have allowed them to go through the other stages and for their ‘house’ to be filled in. They would look whole and complete and they would feel whole and complete.

Walking on Water

Not having their needs met on a consistent basis would have caused them to experience a lot of pain. To handle this pain, they would have automatically disconnected from themselves and gone into a collapsed, shut down state.

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life but how they felt will be held inside them. For them to access and then to integrate the emotional support and strength that is inside them and to become an interdependent human being, it will be essential for them to work through this pain.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk