For many years now it has been said that women grow up faster than men. And in some cases, they say that men are about ten years behind when it comes to emotional development. This is obviously not the case for all men, but there is often clear evidence to support this viewpoint.
Now there are all kinds of reasons as to why this is and some will be seen as the truth and others will be seen as opinions. One reason can be due to some women openly expressing how they feel and not repressing their emotions
Men on the other hand, often hide how they feel and wear a mask when it comes to what is going on emotionally. So as women keep more of an emotional flow, it lowers their chances of becoming emotionally stuck.
And through men holding in how they feel, it can cause them to stay emotionally stuck. It is then not natural for them to grow at an emotional level, what is natural is for them to stay as they are. So their emotional age could vary from them acting like a child or a teenager for instance.
But while it would be easy to focus solely on one gender being more emotionally evolved than the other and put it down to certain internal reasons, other factors have to be looked at. This can be: their childhood years, the society they live in and the kind of people they associate with on a regular basis.
In order for growth to occur in any area of life, there has to be some kind of pain involved. If there is no pain or if the pain is avoided in some way, then change is unlikely to take place. Ones level of growth could stay as it is, but it’s more likely to get worse.
Weight lifting is a perfect example: if one didn’t feel some kind of unease in relation to their body and therefore experience pain, then they wouldn’t bother doing it. This pain is then used as motivator to keep them going through the moments when it is tough and no results are being noticed.
So this pain is ultimately being channelled in a way that will enable one to grow and reach their goals for example. It is therefore an ally and not an enemy. But if one decided to remove this pain temporarily through over eating or drinking, then their body is not going to change.
The power and energy that pain provides ends up being covered up and instead one does their best to avoid pain and experience pleasure. And as there is no pain, one is not motivated to do anything.
In today’s world, the common societal approach is to cover up or to numb how one is feeling. Society is full of all kinds of options and choices when it comes to this. This process can happen so naturally that one might not even be aware of it.
The pain is then taken away and one can become disconnected from it for a while or lose all awareness of it. But although the emotional pain might have gone for ones conscious mind, it is still in their body and won’t just disappear.
The Build Up
This emotional pain could have built up since one was a baby and a child and continued to accumulate through ones adult years. And unless one forms a healthy relationship with their emotions and feelings during their childhood, it can mean that they never will.
The primary focus of formal education is to train people to think in certain ways and to remember things. It is not about one understanding who they are and how different aspects function.
So it is highly unlikely that one will learn about their emotions during these important years. If one has learned to repress how they feel from the moment they were born, then this pattern has very little chance of changing through mainstream education.
If one can simply avoid their emotions through engaging in one of the many options that society provides, there is no reason to emotionally grow up. One could learn about emotions themselves and do what they need to do to grow up. But the lure of avoiding them is often more appealing than dealing with them.
For some people, avoiding them could appear to be the only option available. And if someone is around other people who are emotionally undeveloped and there are no role models around of what emotional maturity looks like either, then how would one know any different.
Men And Women
As women are often more comfortable in expressing how they feel and men are not as comfortable, they can have the upper hand in emotionally growing up. Men can simply carry their emotional baggage behind the masks that they wear and are then unable to act in a way that matches their physical age or comes close to it.
And as growth doesn’t just happen, there is no reason why men should grow up. If it was part of the education system or men had to go through some kind of initiation, then it would be a different story.
All the time that one has trapped feelings and emotions in their body, regardless of if they are a man or a woman, it will be incredibly difficult to behave in an emotionally mature way. If one as felt like this for most of their life, then they might not even know that they are emotionally immature.
One way to emotionally grow up is to seek the assistance of a therapist or healer who will allow one to face their trapped feelings and emotions and release them. As this happens, ones emotional age will begin to catch up with their physical age.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.