While someone can look like an adult, it doesn’t mean that they will feel like one. In fact, a lot of their feelings and needs can have more to do with a child than an adult.
Even so, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of this as how they experience life can just be what is normal to them. Another part of this is that they might often be out of touch with most of their needs and feelings.
Living on the Surface
If this is the case, they may have the tendency to live up top - in their head. This may mean that they will have fairly developed intellect, with them having few problems when it comes to this part of them.
One part of them will have progressed and moved forward but another part of them will have very much stayed behind. There is the chance that their intellect has ended up compensating for the lack of growth of their emotional self.
Part Adult, Part Child
Whether they have a well-developed intellect and are in this lopsided position or not, they may find that they are very needy. This is, of course, only something that they will be aware of if they are connected to their needs.
During this time, they can have the need to be looked after and for them to be given what they need. In addition to wanting approval, they can have the need for other people to adore them.
If they are not connected to most of their needs and feelings, they could come across as needless. This will then be a time when they will act as though they don't need anything and are completely self-contained.
When this takes place, it is likely to show that they have lost touch with their body and have gone into their head. The reason for this is that most of their needs and feelings will be found in their body, not their head.
A Challenging Area
But, as one is an interdependent human being, it will mean that they will need others. So, when they act as though this is not so, this is likely to be a way for them to defend themselves against pain and to experience a sense of control.
If they do alternate between these two ways of being, it can mean that there will be some people in their life who are like parental figures and some people who are come across as very needy. The former can be seen as the parents that their emotional self wants and the latter can be seen as a reflection of what is going on for them.
Out of Balance
If they have had intimate relationships, assuming that they are not in one now, they may have seen these people as more like mother or father than their equal. They will have needed a lot from them and been able to give very little in return.
Still, no matter what they received, it probably didn’t have much of an effect on them. What this comes down to is that they are likely to have an emotional black hole inside them; no matter what they receive, it won’t allow them to feel whole and complete.
Their ability to take things in could also be affected by the fear that they may have of letting people get close to them. When they do get close to someone, they may find it hard to be emotionally present.
This could be a time when they will lose touch with their body and go firmly into their head. The very thing that a big part of them will want from others, such as love and acceptance, will be something that they are unable to truly accept.
At this stage, it could seem strange as to why someone can be an adult but have more in common with a small child. What this may illustrate is that their early years were anything but nurturing.
Instead of being given the love, nurturance and attention that they needed to be able to grow and develop, they may have been neglected on a regular basis. This would have caused them to be deeply traumatised and the only way for them to handle this pain would have been to disconnect from their body and to go into their head.
This would have meant that parts of themselves were split-off from their awareness and ended up becoming part of their unconscious mind. Their physical and mental self would have continued to grow, yet a large part of their emotional self - with this part of them being totally fractured - would have been anchored to this point in time.
The years would then have passed and they will have developed a false self to survive, but, as they have all these wounded child parts inside then, it won’t be possible for them to feel like a strong and capable adult. In a way, they will be carrying a deeply wounded child, or children, inside them and this will stop them from being able to step into their power and to connect to their adult needs.
If one can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.