While what is going on externally can be easy to see and describe, the same is not always true for what is taking place on the inside. And this can relate to ones: thoughts, emotions, feelings and sensations.
This has the potential to lead to all kinds of challenges and these can depend on how difficult it is for someone. It could something that plays a small part in one’s life, to something that severely affects them.
Here, one could be labelled as having some kind of mental disorder or brain condition that stops them from having any kind of emotional awareness. And when one has no connection to their own emotions, it can result in them being unable to read another person’s emotional output.
So this leads to not only communication problems within, but to communication problems without; one form of disconnection is resulting in another form. And there is naturally going to be all kinds of consequences that can arise through this.
If someone has always had a good connection to their emotions and is generally aware of what they are feeling, this might be hard to comprehend. To them it might seem strange as to how someone could not know what is going on inside them.
This is the ideal and yet for someone who has no understanding of what is going on; this could feel normal and be the only thing they know. And how someone could actually know what they are feeling could be a real mystery.
So even though they are both human beings and live on the same planet, their emotional experience is radically different.
From The Beginning
In the majority of cases, this will be something that one has experiences since the very beginning of their lives. Perhaps they can’t remember it being any different. It would then be easy for them to come to the conclusion that they were born this way and that’s the end of it.
And others could pinpoint a time in their life that was traumatic or painful in some way, as to the reason why they are not in touch with their emotions.
It could then be something they have resigned themselves to and given up all hope of getting back in touch with this part of themselves. There will also be people who have every intention of gaining this connection for the first time or regaining it once more.
This challenge has the potential to affect every kind of relationship that one can have. From relationships that are intimate, to ones that are more casual and include casual acquaintances for instance. One might find it difficult to have an intimate relationship or to connect with another too deeply; as they are unable to drop to a deeper level.
What they might do is relate on a more surface level and one that doesn’t include any emotional depth. And they could be attracted to people who have the same difficulty when it comes to being emotional in tune.
Needs And Wants
Another consequence can be that one has very little insight into what their needs and wants are. They could ask themselves this question and others could also ask them, but the same thing takes place. Here, one could end up experiencing a sense of confusion or even end up being stuck in life.
This could lead to the over reliance on other people to tell them what is right and what is not right. Or one could just follow others and then wonder why they are doing it during moments of frustration.
If one were to be in a position of feeling elevated, it might not be too much of a concern what they are feeling. On the other hand, if they were feeling down and under the weather, there might be a greater need to tune into what is going on.
But as one has no idea why they feel as they do or what could have triggered the experience, the whole thing could create the experience of one having no choice in what is taking place.
Now, there could be a number of reasons for this. One outlook is that it is the result of someone’s DNA and that they were simply born this way. Another perspective is that people can end up this way through the kind of nurturing they received during their childhood years.
And even what took place when they were in their mother’s womb and what this experience was like for them. So there are numerous views available and it is clearly not either or, it could be due to a number of factors.
So with DNA and what took place in the womb to one side, let’s take a deeper look at childhood development. When a baby is born and experiences different emotional responses, they are not aware of what they are feeling. It is a form of unrest that they vocalise through crying or pulling faces for instance.
Through having an empathic caregiver that mirrors and matches these feelings and emotions, the baby will begin to develop a brain that allows them to handle and recognise them. This development will continue as they grow into children and gradually give them the ability to have a strong and healthy connection to their emotional selves.
When one is brought up by a caregiver that was unempathic and didn’t mirror or match what they were experiencing as a baby, their brain is unlikely to develop in a way that allows them to handle and recognise emotion.
This could continue during their childhood years and stop them from having the ability to have a healthy and functional emotional brain. One could actually end up being undeveloped in this area and carry a lot of repressed emotions and feelings; as a result of their emotions and feelings being dismissed and denied.
The process of one becoming emotionally cut off is a lot more complex than this of course; with this simply being a rough guide to what can create this problem. If one had a caregiver who was emotional available and supplied the right mirroring and validation, one might have developed a better connection to their emotional brain.
It could be easy to assume that one therefore has no choice or way of overcoming this. However, there are many ways out there that can enable someone to develop their emotional brain. This is not to say it will happen overnight either; as it can take a lot of time, energy, patience and money.
One way is to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will supply the mirroring that didn’t take place during these early years and this can gradually develop this brain.
Emotions and feelings could also be trapped in ones body and stop one from being able to connect to their emotional self. So as these are faced and released with the right support, one can start to get back in touch with what is going on within them.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.