Entitlement: Can Childhood Trauma Stop Someone From Developing A Healthy Sense Of Entitlement?

If someone was to take a step back and to reflect on their life, what could become clear is that they don’t believe that they deserve anything. It is then not going to matter what they do or what they contribute, as this won’t change what is going on for them.
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There is the chance that this is how they have been for as long as they can remember. This is likely to mean that they will be used to giving a lot whilst receiving very little in return.  

One Step Back

Before they got to this point, they might have believed that someone or something ‘out there’ was holding them back. This could have been seen as the only logical explanation for what was taking place.

As a result of this outlook, they may have had a victim mentality. They would then have had no control over their life and would have hoped that their life would change sooner rather than later.

A Charged Experience

If ever they came across people who received what they wanted, this may have been a time when they experienced a strong reaction. They may have felt jealous and even envious and believed that these people had something that they themselves didn’t have.

What may have also crossed their mind was that these people were lucky. After this, they could have ended up feeling frustrated and angry, and this could have been followed up by them feeling very low.

One Approach

There may have been stages of their life when ended up working harder, seeing this as the way for them to finally change their life. This may have been seen as the way for them to have what they wanted.

After behaving in this way for a little while, they may have got to a point where they ended up feeling washed out. Therefore, even if this did have an effect, it won’t have transformed their life.

Running On Empty

Thanks to how much they have given and how little they have received, it is to be expected that they would have suffered. Ultimately, it is through being able to receive that someone will truly be able to give.

If the first part is not in place, the second part won’t be as effective as it would. Still, there is the chance that one will live in a society that talks about how important it is to give and to be there for others.

An Analogy

If a piece of equipment is only partly charged, it won’t be as useful as a piece of equipment that is fully changed. So, as the second piece of equipment will have spent more time receiving, it will be able to give more.

What this shows is that as important as it is to give, if someone can’t receive, they are not going to be able to give as much as they would otherwise. This emphasises how important it is for someone to feel comfortable receiving.

Going Deeper

Now, if someone doesn’t believe that they deserve anything, it is naturally going to be hard for them to receive. Consequently, even if they do receive something, they might not be able to accept it.

They could feel guilty and ashamed and find a way, both consciously and unconsciously, to get rid of whatever it is that they have received. This will allow them to return to a place that, deep down, feels comfortable.

Out of Balance

One way of looking at this would be to say that one doesn’t have a healthy sense of entitlement. If this was in place, they would know that they deserve to receive things.

This is not to say that they would expect everything to simply fall into their lap, as they would realise that they have to play their part. Having this understanding would also give them the confidence to go after what it is that they desire.

Back In Time

The big question is: why would someone believe that they don’t deserve to receive? What this can illustrate is that their early years were anything but nurturing, which would have meant that they didn’t receive what they needed to receive in order to grow and develop.

This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Not only would they have been traumatised throughout this stage of their life, they would have personalised what took place.

A new beginning

As they were egocentric during this time, what took place would have been seen as a reflection of their value. It was then not that their caregivers were in a bad way; it was that they were inherently worthless and unworthy of life itself.

The meaning that was made at a stage of their life when they lacked the ability to think rationally is going to have a massive impact on how they experience life as an adult.  For their life to change, they will need to let go of the meaning that was made all those years ago and to work through their trauma.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk