False Self: Can Child Abuse Cause Someone To Believe That They Need To Hide Themselves To Survive?27/9/2022
If someone was able to step back and reflect on how they typically experience life, what may soon stand out is that they automatically hide a number of their needs and feelings. As a result of this, what is really going on for them is going to be covered up.
This is going to mean that they will generally play a role when they are around others and they won’t be able to live a life that is fulfilling. It can then be as though they are simply going through the motions in life and are not really living. Disconnected Along with having the tendency to hide themselves around others, they can also spend a lot of time by themselves. When they are by themselves, though, they may find that they feel less alone than when they are around others. If so, this will come down to the fact that when they are by themselves, they won’t need to put on an act. Instead, they will be able to be with what is going on inside them and to feel more connected. Trapped After thinking about their tendency to hide themselves, they could wonder what is going on. They won’t be in a prison, that much is clear, but it will be as though they are in a prison that can’t be seen. To put an end up what is going on they will need to leave this prison so that they can start expressing themselves. What may soon stand out is that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. A Miserable Existence At this point, they could be desperate for their life to change and to no longer hide who they are. But, as fed up as they are likely to be, they could also feel totally hopeless and helpless about what is going on. Yet, if they are unable to see a way through, it could be said that this will be a natural outcome. The next step will be for them to go deeper, to look into why they feel so restricted. An Exercise If they were to imagine standing in front of another and expressing how they feel and their needs, this could be a time when they will experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety. To go one step back, this could be how they feel before they even open their mouth. Freely expressing themselves as opposed to playing a role is then going to be something that is seen as a threat to their very survival. If this wasn’t the case, there would be no reason for them to feel this way or to hide themselves. A Strange Scenario From the outside, it could be said that there is no reason for them to feel or behave this way. As they are an adult, even if another person disapproves or rejects them, it is highly unlikely that they will die. In all likelihood, they will feel uncomfortable and then, before long, their life will go back to how it was before. However, even though what is going on for them can be seen as irrational, it doesn’t mean that they can simply change their life. Going Deeper If they have been this way for as long as they can remember and living in this way is just what is normal, it could be due to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Throughout this stage of their life, they may have been harmed in a variety of different ways and neglected. Thanks to this, and through being egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them. An Automatic Process To handle the pain they were in and the dysfunctional environment that they inhabited, they would have created a disconnected false self. Unlike their true self, this part of them would have been outer-directed and focused on doing what it could to please their parent or parents. A number of their needs and feelings would have ended up being a mystery to them and while they would have been physically there, their emotional self will have gone into hiding. So, no matter how many people were around during this time, they would have felt deeply alone. Moving Forward The truth is that there is nothing inherently wrong with their true self and they don’t need to hide who they are to survive. But, for them to know this at the core of their being and for their reality to change, they will have a lot of pain to work through, unmet developmental needs to express and arousal to release. By engaging in this process, they will gradually be able to put the past behind them, experience a felt sense of worth and see themselves through their own eyes. This will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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