Even though someone can live in an environment that is relatively safe and be free to express themselves, it doesn’t mean that they will feel safe or freely express themselves. Still, this might not be something that they are consciously aware of.
If they are not consciously aware of what is going on, how they experience life will just be what is normal. Thus, there will be no reason for them to do anything about what is going.
What they can do is do their best to keep it together and function, whilst making sure that other people don’t realise what is going on for them. This can be something that takes place both consciously and unconsciously.
So, they can often feel anxious and fearful and even have moments when they are filled with terror. This can be what takes place throughout each day of their life and it might not matter if they are around others or by themselves.
One thing that might automatically take place, to allow them to handle what is going on, is that they might automatically shut down and disconnect from what is going on inside them. This will stop them from being overwhelmed but it will also stop them from being connected to themselves.
They are then likely to feel ungrounded and insubstantial, and it will be as though they are all alone. At the same time, they can also feel deeply alone when they are connected to what is going on inside them.
Their Default Behaviour
When they are around others, they can have the tendency to be easy-going and to do what they want. Like a chameleon, they can simply blend into their environment and take on the role that will hopefully allow them to be accepted.
This means that, in general, other people are not going to meet their true self; they will simply meet their false self. What is clear is that one is typically going to act like an extension of others as opposed to an individual that has their own needs and feelings.
A Bleak Existence
Based on what often takes place inside them and how they often behave, it is going to be a challenge for them to live a fulfilling life. Their inner world is seldom going to be a very pleasant place and the same will be the case when it comes to their outer world.
But, if they were to think about how they experience life, they could believe that this is just what they are like and there is very little that they can do. Their only option will be to do their best to keep it together and to please others.
What’s going on?
Although this might be how they experienced life for as long as they can remember, it doesn’t mean that this is who they really are or that they need to please others to be able to survive. Yet, if they have been this way for so long, it is to be expected that it would be seen as who they are and how they have to be.
It is then no different to how if someone has lived in the same area their whole life, they would see this area as their home and be unable to see themselves living anywhere else. There is a chance that what took place during their formative years played a big part in how they experience life as an adult.
Back In Time
During their formative years, they may have lived in an environment that was anything but safe and nurturing. One or both of their parents may have physically harmed them, been verbally abusive and they might have often been physically neglected.
Regardless of what happened, they would have been deprived of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Instead of developing a felt sense of safety, security, worth, deserving, love and enoughness, they would have developed the opposite.
The handle the pain and arousal that they would have experienced throughout this stage of their life, they would have had to lose touch with their connected true self – their body - and create a disconnected false self. This would have caused them to lose touch with a number of their needs and feelings.
Along with this, their brain would have automatically repressed the pain and arousal that they experienced to allow them to keep it together and function. They probably would have also acted submissively during this time and did what they could to please their parent or parents.
Many, many years will have passed since they lived in a very unstable environment, but their brain and body will still be carrying most if not all of the pain and arousal that they experienced. Their brain will be doing what it can to keep this pain and arousal at bay but as they are likely to be carrying so much, some of it will break through and will be playing a part in why they feel so unstable and tense.
As for not expressing themselves and hiding around others, this will also be a way for them to make sure that what is held inside them doesn’t enter their conscious awareness. Due to what they experienced all those years ago, they will be carrying a volcano inside them that is ready to erupt.
To deal with the lava inside them, so that it no longer seeps into their conscious awareness in the form of endless anxiety and fear, tension, and forces them to behave in ways that don’t serve them, for instance, they will need to gradually work through this pain and arousal. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.