False Self: Can Developmental Trauma Give Someone The Need To Adapt To Others?

If someone went on a drive and a road was closed, they would need to change their route. As frustrating as this may be, it would be a minor inconvenience and it would, ultimately, allow them to reach their destination.

This is then an example of someone adapting to a situation and, at the same time, not being negatively affected by it. If they resisted what was going on and didn’t adapt, they would have caused themselves an unnecessary problem.

A Big Difference

Now, although adapting to a situation can help someone, it can also hinder them. This could be the case if they were to end up going along with something that another person wanted them to do instead of doing what is right for them.

By going against their original plan, it won’t serve them in the short term or the long term. When it comes to the first example, they will be momentarily put out but they will soon benefit from changing their course.

A Big Difference

Most likely, just about everyone on this planet will have moments when they are forced to adapt. However, there is a big difference between having moments like this and living a life when this is the norm.

When it relates to the latter, someone could be so used to going along with what other people want that it doesn’t even stand out. Moreover, different circumstances could also continually define how they behave.

Watered Down

How they come across and their life itself will have very little if anything to do with who they really are. The people in their like could then say that they know them but they won’t really know them.

For this to change, they will need to spend less time adapting to others and different circumstances. In order for this to take place, though, they will need to become aware of what is going on, assuming that this is not something that already stands out.

A Miserable Existence

If it doesn’t stand out, they are still likely to experience a fair amount of frustration and even feel low. But, they could often automatically distract themselves so that what is going on for them rarely enters their conscious awareness.

After a while, this approach might no longer work and they could find that it is hard for them to function. Consequently, they could end up being put on medication or having some mind-based therapy, for instance.

Business A Usual

This might allow them to get back on the treadmill, so to speak, but it probably won’t allow them to get to the root of what is going on. For this to happen, they might need to experience something that is fairly stressful.

If they were to have a breakup, a breakdown, lose their job or a friendship was to fall apart, this could be the start of what will allow them to gradually change their life. Sooner or later, they could see that they have been playing a role for most of their life and that this has nothing to do with who they are.

Confusion

After this, they could wonder why they have such a strong need to hide themselves and go along with what is going on around them. If they were to imagine expressing themselves and no longer simply going along with what is taking place externally, they could end up feeling deeply uncomfortable.

This is not going to be something that will serve them; it will be seen as something that is a threat to their very survival. What this is likely to illustrate is that their formative years were not very nurturing.

Way Back

Practically from the moment they were born, they might have often been left and when they were given care, it might have largely been misattuned care. This would have deeply wounded them and as they were powerless and totally dependent, there was very little that they could do.

Their only option would have been to go into shutdown, collapsed and frozen state and disconnect from themselves. Having needs would have been too painful and expressing them would have been seen as something that would cause them to be abandoned and to die.

The Past Is Present

In all likelihood, they would have continued to be left even though they didn’t express their needs. But due to their level of development at this stage, what was taking place would have been personalised as they wouldn’t have been in a position to realise that how they were treated was a consequence of what was going on for their parent or parents.

The outcome of this is that they wouldn’t have been able to grow out of this dependent stage and this is why they will continue to see their survival as being based on them hiding themselves, so their needs and feelings, and being a non-entity. Most if not all of the pain and arousal that they experienced throughout this stage is likely to be held inside them.
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Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk