False Self: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Create An Inflated False Self?

There are some people that are not very confident and are full of doubt, while there are others that are full of confidence and don’t really experience doubt. Due to this, those that can relate to the former often achieve far less than those that can relate to the latter.

If one was to meet someone that falls into the second category, one could wonder how they could be this way. While they could struggle to feel good and capable, they won’t be in the company of someone that is in the same position.

High Up

It might not stop there though; as this person could have an air of superiority about them and make out that they are better than others. There is a chance that they will be fairly successful in at least one area of their life.

Thanks to this, they could have certain material items that will help to support their inflated view of themselves. If they do make out that they are better than others, both directly and indirectly, then, these items will be used to validate this view.

A Strong Shell

If they receive constructive feedback or are criticised, it might not have much of an impact on them.  Like a ball that has been thrown against a wall, it could bounce right off them.

Then again, they could become very self-righteous and angry and end up laying into the other person. Along with this, they could end up criticising this person behind their back, making out that they have been wronged.

No Way Through

As a result of this, it won’t matter if the other person’s intentions were clear and if what they were saying was right as it won’t go in. Their heightened sense of themselves will make it hard for them to accept feedback.

At this point, it could be said that one of the reasons why they are so confident is because they are not connected to life. They have walled themselves up and this then allows them to be so bold.

Unaffected

Therefore, as they are not really impacted by life, there is going to be no reason for them to not be confident. If life had a big impact on them, this wouldn’t be the case.

But, while being this way might have allowed them to become successful and to be admired by some, it is unlikely to allow them to have fulfilling relationships and, before long, they could soon fall off their self-imposed pedestal.

One-Sided

If they are in a relationship, they could be with someone that is overly submissive and easy-going. This person is then going to spend a lot of time being walked over and having their needs overlooked.

Instead of being in a relationship where they are valued, seen and loved, they will be in a relationship where they are not valued, seen or loved. If they felt somewhat alive before this relationship began, they could now feel totally drained.

A fall

When it comes to why they are likely to soon fall off their self-imposed pedestal, this will come down to the fact that reality will end up catching up with them. So, while they will be good at blocking out anything that goes against their heightened view of themselves, not listening to and doing anything about the feedback they receive will harm them sooner or later.

For example, they could end up being isolated from others, losing their job and even having health problems. But, instead of being able to join the dots, they could believe that they are being unfairly punished and have plenty of people to blame.

What’s going on?

In all likelihood, they will have been this way for most of their life and if this is so, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when they were deeply wounded by one or both of their parents.

Throughout this stage of their life, they may have been treated like they were nothing, with them often being humiliated and. criticised. Additionally, they might have often been physically harmed and neglected.

Self-Protection

To stop themselves from feeling totally worthless and unlovable, however, they would have gradually created a disconnected false self. This false self would have stopped them from having to come into contact with their true self, with them going from someone that felt less-than-human to someone that felt more-than-human.

Both their mind and their body would have combined to defend themselves against their true feelings. Keeping these defences in place will take a lot of energy and external items and positive feedback they receive will help to keep them in place.

Too much To Handle

The inflated false self that they have in place is going to undermine them sooner or later, that’s if it hasn’t already, but as they carry so much pain inside them, they will naturally do everything that they can to keep it in place. It is then highly unlikely that they would end up reaching out for support.

For this to happen, they might have to go through something so dramatic that it destroys their defences and exposes them to their true feelings. As traumatic as this would be, it would allow them to reconnect to their humanity.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk