What can be normal is for someone to hide how they feel, with their true feelings also being a mystery to them. Therefore, not only will the people in their life not know what is going on for them, they themselves are also not going to know what is going on for them.
This can mean that they will typically come across as though nothing fazes them. In reality, this is just going to be an act and an act that is so much a part of them that it won’t stand out to others or themselves.
Not expressing what is going on for them and truly being seen as a result, is going to have a negative impact on them. For example, they could often feel down and drained, with this being a time when it is harder for them to maintain their act.
To continue to behave in the same way, they could end up consuming something or engaging in a certain activity. What this will do is allow them to change their inner state by pushing down the information that is trying to break through to their conscious mind.
If they were to end up in a relationship, this could be a time when it will become to them clear that they are not aware of how they feel. What could soon stand out is that it is hard for them to connect how they feel about their partner and, thus, they are not going to be able to express how they feel either.
As a result, this is going to make it hard for them to form a close bond with them and for the relationship to progress. At this point, they could wonder why they don’t have a strong connection with their feelings and are unable to freely express them.
If they were to look back on their life, they may find that they have been this way for a very long time. They might even struggle to think of a time in their life when they were different.
What might then enter their mind is that they were simply born this way and that there is very little that they can do. They are then going to have to put up with being this way for the rest of their life.
If they were to try to connect with how they feel, this could be a time when their mind goes blank. Then again, if they were able to connect with how they feel and thought about expressing these feelings with another, they might soon feel anxious.
This will show that they don’t expect another person to respond in a supportive and accepting manner. From this, what will stand out is that they don’t feel safe enough to express how they feel.
A Bizarre Scenario
Having feelings is part of the human experience, so they should be in tune with them and feel comfortable expressing them. As this is not the case, it is likely to show that their early years were not very nurturing.
If they were to think about this stage of their life, they might not be able to remember a great deal. What this can show is that their brain has blocked out what took place to allow them to keep it together and function.
Practically from the moment they were born, they might have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. Expressing themselves would then have come to be seen as something that would cause them to be abandoned and die.
What took place would have been personalised as they were egocentric at this stage of their life. But, although they would have taken how they were treated to heart, it wouldn’t have had anything to do with them; it would have been a reflection of what was going on for one or both of their caregivers.
To handle the pain of being left and not having a number of their needs met on a consistent basis if at all, they would have gradually gone into shut down, disconnected, frozen and collapsed state. Adapting in this way and losing touch with themselves in the process was the only way for them to survive.
As they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to change what was going on externally. Consequently, a lot of pain and unmet developmental needs will have built up inside them.
A Natural Outcome
Many, many years will have passed since they were a powerless and dependent infant, toddler, and child, but, thanks, primarily, to the pain that is inside them, they will still perceive life in the same way. Expressing how they feel will continue to be seen as something that will cause them to be rejected and abandoned and for their life to come to an end.
Naturally, with so much at stake, it is to be expected that they will have had and still have the need to hide themselves. Hiding themselves will cause them to suffer, of course, but it will be seen as being far better than the alternative, which will be for them to die.
A New Reality
Facing and working through this pain and expressing their unmet developmental needs is going to take time. But, the sooner they start this process, the sooner their life will change.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.