False Self: Can Someone Have The Need To Hide Themselves If They Had A Highly Critical Parent?

What can be normal is for someone to hide how they feel and a number of their needs. Consequently, when they are around others, they are going to typically put on an act and hide who they are.

This can mean that they will generally come across as though they are fine and that nothing is bothering them. Along with this, they could largely be easy-going and happy to go along with what others want.

A Mask

However, although who they are will seldom see the light of day around others, most of the people in their life might not be aware of this. This can show that they are caught up with their own needs.

Then again, they could be just as disconnected from themselves. What this will do is prevent them from being able to tune into what is really going on.

A Miserable Existence

Not being seen and heard by others is going to take its toll on their mental and emotional health. This comes down to the fact that they are an interdependent human being.

Thus, having human contact is likely to be better than not having any but as they are not seen and heard, it won’t be as nourishing as it would be otherwise. But, if living in this way is normal, they probably won’t pay attention to the feedback that arises to let them know that they are out of alignment with themselves.

The Signs

So, they could often feel frustrated and down, with these inner states being there to let them know that they are not showing up and being seen and heard. Yet, instead of paying attention to this information, they could end up doing something to avoid how they feel.

And, this can be something that takes place so quickly, that they are not even aware of what they are doing. This will show that a big part of them doesn’t want to face up to what is going on.

Many Parts

The part of them that does want to express who they are and be seen and heard is then going to be dominated by another part of them that doesn’t. This will show that they are in a place of conflict.

Nonetheless, sooner or later, they could get to the point where they no longer have the desire or energy to behave in this way. If they do, they can end up wondering why their life is this way.

Resistance

To gain a deeper understanding of what is going on, they could imagine that they were to freely express themselves and no longer hide behind a mask. This can end up being a time when they will feel alive and greatly relieved.

But, after a while, their inner experience could change, with them feeling anxious and fearful. What this will then do is give them the need to go back to how they were before.

Confusion

After having this inner experience, they wonder why freely expressing themselves and being seen and heard for who they are feels so uncomfortable. What could enter their mind is that what is going on for them is irrational.

Even so, if they were to take a closer look at what took place during their formative years, what is going on for them as an adult might start to make sense. This may have been a time when they grew up in an environment that was anything but nurturing.

Back In Time

One or both of their parents might have been very critical and cruel. Being put down, criticised and made fun of would then have been the rule as opposed to the exception.

They would have been sent the message that it wasn’t safe for them to be themselves and that there was something inheritably wrong with them. To handle this, they would have gradually lost touch with a number of their needs and feelings and created a disconnected false self.

A Continuation

Being treated in this way and not being loved for who they were would have deeply wounded them and deprived them of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life but they won’t have truly moved on.

A big part of them will still believe that they live in an environment where it is not safe for them to be themselves. Doing so will be seen as something that will cause them to be humiliated, rejected and perhaps abandoned.

Moving Forward

Most if not all of the pain that they experienced and repressed will be held inside them, along with a number of their unmet developmental needs. This inner material will be playing a big part in why a big part of them is stuck in the past.

To let go of this inner material, they will need to face and work through this pain and experience their unmet developmental needs. This will take courage, patience and persistence.
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Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk