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If one was to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that it is a reflection of who they are. And as their life is this way, it is going to how that they are in touch with their needs and feelings.
It is then through being in touch with what is taking place within them, that they are able to live life in this way. When one experiences life in this way, it is going to be a lot easier for them to have a fulfilling existence. On The Right Track Now, this is not to say that their life will be perfect; what it means is that they won’t be pretending to be someone else. There could be parts of their life that are going well, and others that are not. But regardless of this, they won’t be in a position where the people around them don’t know who they are, and neither will their life be defined by the need to please others. They will be able to be themselves around others, and what they do is life is generally going to be the result of what matters to them. Part of Life This could be how one has experienced life for as a long as they can remember; there is then no reason for them to think about how different their life could be. If they were to do so, it could be because they have come across someone who doesn’t experience life in the same way as they do. During this time, they might wonder why this person has the need to please others. They could tell them that they don’t need to do this and that their life would be far better if they put themselves first. Two Responses Upon hearing this, the other person could agree with them, and it might only be a matter of time before they begin to change their behaviour. At the same time, this might be as far as it will go. Or, the other person could disagree with them and say that other people’s needs are more important than their own needs. Therefore, even though this person is neglecting themselves, it is not going to be enough for them to change their behaviour. Self-Harm What this comes down to is that not only can someone be harmed by others, they can also harm themselves. It is then not that one is being victimised by others; it is that they are victimising themselves. When one experiences life in this way, it can show that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs, and this then sets them up to focus on other people’s needs. And unless this changes, they will continue to ignore what is taking place within them. A Way of Life They might find it hard to remember when their life was different, and this could cause one to believe that this is just how life is. So, as other people’s needs are more important than their own needs, they will continue to focus on their needs. There is also the chance that one is not even aware of what is taking place within them, and it will then be normal for them to behave in this way. One will be nothing more than an extension of others. A Shell If they do something, it is going to be the result of what other people want them to do (or what they think they want them to do). So while a professional actor will play a role and then go back to how they were before; one is going to be this way for most of their life. Even so, this doesn’t mean that they will always come across in the same way, as how they come cross can all depend on who they are with. This is likely to be something that takes place automatically. Pain Yet although experiencing life in this way is going to be what feels comfortable, it is naturally going to cause them to suffer. Ultimately, one is not on this planet to please other people; if they were, they wouldn’t have their own needs and feelings. In order for one to experience life differently, they might just need to become aware of what is taking place in their mind and to change their behaviour. This is then something that is all in their mind, and their life will change if they push themselves. Protection However, it might not be this simply, and this could mean that they will need to take a different approach. What one could find is that even though their true-self is covered up, they don’t feel safe enough to change their behaviour. If they were to do so, they could end up being overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. It could then seem as though their life is about to come to an end if they don’t put on an act. Going Deeper What this can show is that one is carrying trauma; thus, what is taking place in their mind is just a reflection of what is taking place in their body. As a result this, one is not going to be able to deal with what is taking place though focusing on their mind and changing their behaviour. And the reason why one is carrying trauma can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregivers. Awareness During this time it wouldn’t have been possible for them to be themselves; they would have had to put on an act. This wouldn’t have been a choice; it would have been matter of life or death. If one can relate to this, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the chance to heal the trauma that is within their body and, as this takes place, they will gradually be able to embrace their true-self.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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