False Self: Do Some People's Childhoods Cause Them To Develop A False Self?

There are some people who are in touch with who they are, and then there are some people who are not. But while some people are going to be aware of the fact that they are out of touch with themselves, there are going to be other people who are not aware

However, when one is in touch with who they are, their life is naturally going to be lot more fulfilling than if they were not. This is going to mean that one’s actions are generally going to be aligned with their needs and feelings.

There are likely to be times when this isn’t the case and one has to go against themselves, but this is not going to be a way of life. It will happen from time to time and because this is not the norm, it is going to be easier to handle.

If, on the other hand, this was a way of life and something that happened all the time, it is going to be unbearable. But as unbearable as it is, it could be seen as how life is and one may have resigned themselves to living this way.

True Self

So when one is in touch with who they are, it means they are connected to their true self. And this is not something that is fixed, it relates to what is taking place within them at each moment of their life. What was true at one point in time might not be true at another and therefore, ones true self is likely to change as time passes.

This means that there is nothing inherently mysterious about the true self and one doesn’t necessarily need to travel all around the world to find it. They simply need to get in touch with what is taking place within them.

Change

People change and so, it is to be expected that their needs and desires are going to change as time passes. How one feels is also going to change, but one is always going to have feelings.

One will need to be in touch with what is going on within them and through doing this, their true self won’t become a mystery. It will be something that governs their life and therefore, allows them to experience a life that is fulfilling.

The Ideal

In an ideal world, every human being on the planet would be connected to themselves and the life they live would be an expression of what is true for them. And for some people, this is going to be how their life is.

This could cause them to believe that everyone else is in touch with their true self or they might wonder why someone could be out of touch with themselves. What is clear is that one is going to be a lot happier when they’re living a life that reflects who they are, as opposed to what doesn’t.

Pleasing Others

If one is not following their truth, they are going to be following what is true for others or what they think is true. Their point of focus is then on doing what will please other people and not on what is in alignment with their own truth.

So one is going to gain the approval of others and this will affect how they feel, but it won’t remove the pain that is also being created. This could be pain that they’re aware of or it could be just out of their awareness. As if one was to admit to how they truly feel, it might be overwhelming.

False Self

And although living this way is going to be unfulfilling and cause one to suffer, it doesn’t mean that one can just let go of their need to please others. It is likely to be what feels comfortable and as they are likely to have lived this way for so long, they might not even know what they need or what their true feelings are.

Their true self is then a mystery and something they are not connected to. And while this could be how their life has been for a number of years, it could be how their life has always been. One is then no longer wearing a mask, they are the mask.

What Happened?

It can be hard for one to understand why they’re out of touch with themselves and this is understandable. And while this is normal, it is not something that just happened; there is a reason for it.

One may look back on their life and find that they have always been this way, or they might find it hard to remember when it all started. And this is because their false self was created many years ago.

Childhood

Even though ones adult experiences would have reinforced ones false self, they are unlikely to have been the cause of it. The false self is generally something that one creates during their childhood years. And it is not something that one chooses to develop; it is something they had to develop in order to survive.

This would have been a time where ones needs and feelings were ignored and denied, and what took their place were the needs and feelings of their caregiver/s; a role reversal has then taken place. Due to these experiences, one learns that they can only survive by pleasing others and pleasing others means playing a role.

Disconnection

And as ones needs and feelings were not noticed, validated or responded to, one is not able to develop a connection to what is taking place within them. One is taught to focus on the needs and feelings of other people.

This would have then caused one to believe that their needs and feelings are unimportant. Having needs would be something to be ashamed of and therefore one would have to hide them. If there needs were to arise, one would end up feeling guilty.  

Awareness

Getting in touch with ones true self is going to take time and one may be carrying a lot of emotional pain underneath the mask that they have been wearing for most of their life. And although it is painful to wear the mask, one can believe that it would be even more painful if they were to take the mask off.

This is why external assistance is often needed and this can be supplied by a therapist, healer and/or some kind of support group. 

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Oliver J R Cooper 
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/