When someone’s life is not going as they would like it to go, there are a number of things that they can do. And while some of these things will allow them to move forward, there are going to be others that won’t.
One could be drawn to things that will allow them to take their pain away, at least momentarily. This could mean that they will end up drinking something whenever they start to experience pain, or they may have more than one thing to take their pain away.
It could then be said that one will be using things that are typically seen as destructive in today’s world. However, one could also take their pain away by doing things that are often seen as acceptable.
For example, one could ignore the pain that is within them (and what is taking place on the outside) by working harder. Yet even though they will be running away from themselves, there is less chance that other people will realise this.
There is the chance that the majority of people they come across will approve of their behaviour, and this can then cause them to believe that they are doing the right thing. Nevertheless, even if one was to lose touch with their feelings, it doesn’t mean that this would last for very long.
This is because there is the chance that they would soon end up feeling worn out, and they would then have to face their feelings once again. Or if this didn’t take place, one could soon lose the motivation to carry on, and this would also cause them to face their feelings once more.
Ultimately, this is not going to allow them to improve their life; in fact, it could end up getting a lot worse. Ergo, if one was in a position where they could avoid their life or face it head on, it is naturally going to be better for them to face it head on.
If this was to happen, they could end up going to see a therapist; however, this can all depend on what they are going through. This could be seen as the right thing to do if they had emotional problems and/or relational challenges, for instance.
Through working with a therapist, it would give them the opportunity to take a deeper look into what is taking place. After a few sessions, they could soon find that they have a greater understanding and that their life has started to improve.
The Same Old Story
At the same time, one may find that this is something that only allows them to get so far, and they may then feel the need to do something else. Or they may start to wonder if their life will ever improve, and they could then end up running away from their life.
And while one may have only been in this position once, there is also the chance that they have only got so far after working with a number of different people. This could then mean that one has come to believe that their life will never change.
One on hand, they could simply give up and put up with what is taking place in their life. This is likely to mean that they will suffer even more, but they might have got to the point where they have lost the will to do anything about it.
On the other hand, they might feel frustrated for a short time and then start to look for something else. This will then show that although they are not where they would like to be, it doesn’t mean they will simply give up.
One could then decide to go online and to see if they can find something that will help them, and this could then cause them to come across family constellation therapy. This could be because they have looked for information on how to move forward when you feel stuck, for instance.
Also, one may have found that they have the need to be loyal, and this is then stopping them from making any real progress. And while one may have tried lots of different things before they came across this, this may have also been the first thing they have come into contact with.
What this shows is that there is not one path, and that one person could see this as the answer to their problems and another could see it as something that may or may not assist them. Through reading up about this form of therapy, one is likely to be told that their issues didn’t start with them, and that they have been passed down from their ancestors.
The reason they are carrying these issues is out of their need to be loyal to their family system. Their family gave them life and as a way to repay them, they have taken on what doesn’t belong to them.
The Next Step
Therefore, in order for one to move forward in life, they will need to give back what doesn’t belong to them. By having a constellation (or a number of them), it may then be possible for them to finally live their own life.
Now, as to whether this form of therapy will allow one to experience the kind of results that they expect can all depend on a number of different factors. Their life could radically change, or they might wonder why they bothered.
However, while one can be drawn to this type of therapy because they feel stuck or because it has been recommend by someone else, for instance, it can also be seen as the easy option. It is human nature to avoid pain, and so when one is told that they can change their life without having to face themselves, it is going to be normal for them to gravitate towards it.
It is then similar to how one can be drawn positive thinking and/or affirmations as they can also create impression that someone can change their life without needing to deal with anything. This is not to say that these things can’t have a positive effect on one’s life; what it comes down to is that they can end up holding them back.
What this shows is how important it is for one to pay attention to what is taking place within them, and to realise that they may be being driven by their need to avoid pain. As a result of this, they may find that even though they have moments when they will feel better, it won’t allow them to truly change their life.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.