During a man’s childhood years, he may have had a father who was physically abusive. If this was the case, this would have been a time when he was regularly harmed by someone who was supposed to do the opposite - protect him.
Therefore, instead of being able to feel safe and secure in his own home, he would have often felt terrified. Being on edge and feeling anxious would have been a normal part of his everyday life.
No matter how big he may be as an adult, this would have been a time when he was completely powerless and unable to do anything about what was taking place. He wouldn’t have been able to fight back or to run away.
As a result of this, he had to put up with being treated badly and this stage of his life would have been a living hell. To use an analogy: it was as though he was dropped, unarmed, into a warzone.
He might have been fine for a number of years, but, as time passed, he ended up being deeply wounded by an enemy that was heavily armed. As brutal as this was, he had no other choice than to tolerate what was going on.
What took place would have had an effect on his mental and emotional body and it may have left a mark on his physical body, too. For example, he may carry a few scars from what took place.
An Old Saying
It has been said that, “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me”, but this is not the truth. The truth is that what is said can cause just as much harm, if not more, than what is done.
Taking this into account, what was done to him physically will have been destructive and so will what was said to him. Also, the very fact that his own father was harming him, as opposed to a stranger, will have made it all the worse.
Nowhere to Turn
If it was someone in the outside world that was harming him, he would have been able to tell his father about what was going on, But, as it was his father who was causing the harm, there was probably no one for him to talk to.
His mother may have been too scared to do anything about what was going on or, even worse, his mother may have actually encouraged it. If this was so, there is the chance that at least one of his parents had a sadistic streak to them.
Too Much of a Risk
Furthermore, there is the chance that he was far too scared to talk to anyone about what was going on. This would have been seen as something that would cause him to be treated even worse.
Keeping what was going on to himself would then have been seen as the only way for him to survive. Then again, what was going on could have been seen as normal and how he deserved to be treated, thereby, preventing him from even thinking about reaching out to others.
The Fall Out
The reason why he would have believed that he deserved to be treated in this way, something that can be seen as being irrational, was due to the fact that he was egocentric at this stage of his life. This would have stopped him from being able to realise that how he was treated was a reflection of what was taking place for his father, and mother, not a reflection of his value.
Being harmed on a regular basis would have meant that he was regularly traumatised and, through feeling overwhelmed and being unable to do anything about what was going on, he would have automatically disconnected from his body. Living up top and being hypervigilant would have been a way for him to avoid pain and to try to prevent the unpreventable – being harmed by his father.
His body is where his masculine power or aggression/fight instinct will be found, so as he is out of touch with this part of him, not only will it be hard for him to connect to how he feels, to know what his needs are and to deeply connect with others, but he can lack the oomph that is needed to make things happen. Consequently, he can have a lot going on up top, perhaps even have a lot of willpower, yet he won’t have access to the power that is held in his body.
By being this way, in general, he could find it hard to get things done, to assert himself and to, ultimately, take life by the horns. If he was to take a step back and to reflect on his life, he could see that he is typically passive, does what he can to please others and is often depressed.
What he went through as a boy will be over and yet, his body will still carry the impact on what took place. His mind may have moved on, then, but his body will still be stuck at this stage of his life.
If a man can relate to this, and is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.