Like a car without an engine, a man could spend a lot of his time sitting around and doing very little. For the car to move it will probably need to be pushed, that is unless, of course, there is an earthquake, for instance.
For him to move, it might generally take an external force. That can mean that he will need a friend or a family member to suggest something or the fear of what may happen if he doesn’t do something might be enough.
If a friend of his was to ask him if he wanted to do something, he might end up going along with what is put forward. This is not to say that he will be full of enthusiasm during this time, though.
But, as time passes, his inner state could start to change and he could be pleased that he agreed to go out. This could be what typically takes place; with it taking a while for him to go up through the gears, so to speak.
Assuming he has a normal job, where he works five days a week, he could just get up and go to work. This can be a time when he simply does what he has to do and is happy to go home at the end of the day.
He may have a job that is pretty monotonous and doesn’t require him to think a great deal. It won’t be very stimulating or challenging but, as he doesn’t have a great deal of energy or motivation, this will be perfect.
By being this way, he might be used to being walked over by others and taken advantage of. But, while this will have a negative impact on him, he could typically just put up with it.
After this has taken place, he could feel even lower than he did before and just carry on living in the same way. Like a punch bag; he will take all of the blows but he won’t give anything back.
If a friend or a family member were to think about how he lives his life and what he puts up with, they could wonder what is going on. It could be as if he is a machine that has been unplugged.
After this, they could come to the conclusion that he is deeply depressed and has given up on life. Therefore, they could believe that he needs to go on medication and/or to see a counsellor.
If he was able to get to the point where he was able to reflect on how he experiences life, he could struggle to understand what is going on. He may see that he has been this way for as long as he can remember.
Yet, even though being this way will be stopping him from embracing and living a life that is deeply fulfilling, he might not have much desire to do anything about it. Consequently, his life is unlikely to change any time soon.
What’s going on?
What this may illustrate is that his early years were not very nurturing, with this being a stage of his life that was very traumatic. Throughout his childhood, his father may have physically harmed him.
This would have greatly wounded him and, as he was unable to do anything about what was going on, he would have had to automatically repress how he felt and disconnect from himself. This wouldn’t have changed what was going on but it would have stopped him from being aware of it.
When it comes to what was repressed, there would have been the pain and there would have been all the anger and rage. Due to the power imbalance and how unsafe he would have felt, he wouldn’t have allowed himself to express the rage that he experienced through being violated, or rarely done so.
This had to be removed from his conscious awareness and part of his life force would have been lost in the process. Losing touch with his aggression/fight instinct and not being seen as a threat would have been a way to try to minimize the harm he experienced and to survive.
So, as this was a time when he didn’t receive the love, care, protection, security, safety and support he needed to be able to grow and develop and he was greatly undermined by his father and even mother, it is to be expected that he won’t be in a good way now that he is an adult. He will be in a shut-down, disconnected state and he will be carrying a lot of pain and arousal.
For his life to change, he will need to work through this pain and arousal, so he can gradually reconnect to his body and aggression/fight instinct. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.