Father Wounds: Can A Man Carry A Sense Of Violation If He Had An Abusive Father?

If a man was to take a step back and reflect on his life, he may see that he is often walked over and treated badly by others. There may have been moments when he thinks that the world is against him.
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Now, this could be something that he only experiences when he is in the company of other men. Then again, this could also be something that he experiences when he is around women.

A Miserable Existence

If he can relate to the latter, it is not going to matter who he is around as he is likely to find that it is a challenge for him to feel at ease and relax. Due to what he has experienced in the past, he is can find that he is typically on guard.

Still, this doesn’t mean that being this way will actually serve him. It might make him feel safer but when something negative takes place, he might generally be unable to do anything about it.

Restricted

For example, someone could be verbally or even physically abusive and instead of doing something about this, he could simply tolerate what takes place. After something like this has occurred he could end up feeling angry and frustrated.

He might struggle to understand why he didn’t stand his ground and do something about what was going. From the outside, it will be clear that he is able to protect himself but, on the inside, he won’t feel as though he has what it takes.

Nothing New

If he was to look back on his life, he could find that he has had these experiences for as long as he can remember. Also, he could find that he has just about always put up with this behaviour.

At this point, he could think about if he lacks something that other people have; perhaps seeing himself as being defective in some way. Over the years, he may have been told that he needs to stand up for himself, among other things.

It’s clear

He may have reached the stage where he is sick and tired of being told this. He will know that this is what he needs to do but for whatever reason, it won’t have been possible for him to take the next step.

Taking all this into account, he could be desperate for his life to change. He might be willing to do just about anything to go from the man that he is now to a man that is in his power and able to stand his ground.

Looking Back

If he was asked why his life is the way that it is, he could say that he must have simply been born this way. It could then be said that this shows that his childhood wasn’t in any way dysfunctional.

This may be so; what it could also show is that his mind has blocked out what really took place. As a result of this, he is unable to join the dots, so to speak, and to see why he is the way that he is.

A Brutal Time

However, this doesn’t mean that this is something that he consciously chose to do; it would have automatically taken place. During his early years, he may have regularly been harmed by his father.

This would have meant that his father abused his power and greatly undermined his son in the process. Most likely, his father was a deeply wounded human being and was totally unaware of what he was doing and the impact it was having and would have on his son as time went by.

Completely Defenceless

Thanks to how powerless he was in relation to his father and how dependent he was, he wouldn’t have been able to fight back or run away. His only option was to repress how he felt and to develop an idealised view of his father.

This would have gradually caused him to lose touch with his true self and how he really felt towards and saw his father. Creating a false view of his father was a key part of what allowed him to survive; if he saw him for who he was, this would have been too much for him to handle.  

A Deep Wound

As he was regularly violated throughout this stage of his life, he won’t have developed a felt sense of safety or security and he won’t be in touch with his fight instinct. Consequently, he will be like a sitting duck.

Furthermore, the sense of violation that he carries will energetically pull in situations, circumstances and people who are in alignment with this frequency. This is why he will continually be victimised as an adult.

A Different Reality

In order for his life to change, he will need to work through the pain that he is carrying at a deeper level. By doing this, he will gradually be able to stand up for himself and his energy will change, which will impact what he does and doesn’t experience.

This is unlikely to be something that will take place overnight, though. There is a strong chance that it will be something that takes a number of months, perhaps even longer.
 
Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk