If a man was to describe himself, he could say that he is easy-going, tolerant, and laid-back. When it comes to his mood, he could find that he often feels flat and sometimes he feels very low.
As a result of this, he is not going to spend a lot of time feeling energised and alive. If he does feel this way, it could be because he is or has just exercised or it could show that he has had something to drink.
A Common Occurrence
When it comes to improving his life, then, he is likely to have a need to experience more energy and to have a greater zest for life. Along with this, he may say that he needs to start standing up for himself.
He could find that he is typically walked over by others and has the tendency to say yes when he should say no. This could cause him to feel frustrated but he might not get angry about it.
There is the chance that he might rarely if ever get angry about anything. However, although this could be the case, it doesn’t mean that all of the people in his life will be the same.
He could have a number of people in his life that experience a lot of anger, with these people being controlled by their anger. When he is around someone like this, he may find that he feels very uncomfortable.
A Surface Level View
Now, on one level is will be clear that he is very different to someone like this. Still, if he was to go deep inside himself, what he may find is that he is no different to someone like this.
What is different is that while someone like this will express their anger, he will keep his anger hidden. He won’t just keep this anger hidden from others, though; he will also keep it hidden from himself.
Joining the Dots
If this was put forward to him, he could say that this has no basis in reality and that he doesn’t really get angry. So, anger won’t be part of his identity and he will be different to those that are angry.
What this is likely to show is that he doesn’t feel comfortable with his anger and this is why he has disconnected from it. And as he has disconnected from this part of him, it is likely to mean that he has also lost touch with this aggression.
A Divided Being
He will then look whole from the outside but he won’t be whole on the inside; both his emotional and instinctual self can be split off. This can mean that he won’t have a good connection with his body and will spend most of his time in his head.
For him to have more energy and to feel alive, he will need to be connected to each part of himself. Until this takes place, he will be a very watered-down version of himself and he won’t have access to the part of him that would protect and energise him.
A Natural Outcome
Living on the surface of himself and not being connected to his body is going to cause him to live in a de-pressed state. Therefore, it is to be expected that he will often feel flat and be depressed.
Nonetheless, if he was to reach out to his doctor, for instance, he could just be labelled as being depressed but this will just be the tip of the iceberg. His whole system will be in a restricted state, so simply focusing on one part of what is going on for him is unlikely to transform his life.
To find out why he is experiencing life in this way, it is likely to be a good idea to take a closer look at what took place during his early years. This may have been a stage of his life when he was physically and verbally harmed by his father.
His father would have been like a giant compared with him and so he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. Fighting back wasn’t an option and neither was finding somewhere else to live.
Expressing his anger, rage and hate would have been too much of a risk and this part of him would have had to be split off. Also, disconnecting from and repressing how he felt would have allowed him to handle what was going on.
Together, this would have caused him to leave his body, losing touch with his instinctual and emotional self in the process. Naturally, this would have greatly weakened him and made him defenceless, but it would have allowed him to survive a very brutal stage of his life.
A Disempowering Association
This period of his life would have caused him to believe that if he expressed his anger, rage and hate he would be physically harmed and his life would end. The truth is that how he felt as a child was perfectly normal, given how he was being treated.
What wouldn’t be normal was if, initially, he didn’t experience anger, rage and hate. To reintegrate this part of his being (his aggression) and to connect to his emotional self, he is likely to have a number of emotional wounds as well as trauma to resolve.
Along with the ‘harder’ feelings of anger, rage and hate, there is going to be the ‘softer’ feelings such as loss, helplessness, shame and betrayal. There is likely to be many layers of pain for him to work through.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.