Father Wounds: Can A Man Feel Worthless If His Father Was Treated Badly During His Early Years?20/12/2023
If a man were to take a step back and reflect on how he sees himself, he could find that he doesn’t have a very empowering view. He could find that he sees himself as someone who doesn’t have any value.
What could then stand out is how this view is having a negative impact on his ability to live a fulfilling life. To be more specific, he could see that this is causing him to work somewhere that is soul-destroying and holding him back from being with a woman who is right for him. A natural outcome He is simply not going to believe that he deserves to live a life that is radically different from the life that he leads. However, as he has become aware of what is going on and is likely to have had enough of living in this way, it will show that part of him knows that his life can be different. A big part of him, though, won’t be able to accept that there is another way for him to experience life. But, if he has experienced life in this way for as long as he can remember, this is to be expected. A Closer Look And, in addition to him believing that he doesn’t have any value, he could also believe that he is unlovable. Consequently, it can be normal for him to feel down and to be depressed. This could be something that he will talk to his friends about, or he might keep what is going on for him to himself. Then again, there is a chance that he doesn’t have any close friends. Opening Up If he was to open up to at least one friend, they might tell him that he is not worthless or unlovable and that he deserves to have a fulfilling life. Still, this might not have much of an effect on him. What they say could simply slide right off him, so to speak, with a big part of him rejecting what they say. This part could believe that they are just being nice and are not being honest. Two Areas Assuming that he has a job that undermines him and he is single, he is not going to feel appreciated when he is at work and he could feel frustrated when it comes to his love life. When he is at work, he could be used to being walked over and this could be what has often taken place when he has been with a woman. He could often imagine leaving where he works and never going back and he might think about turning his back on women. It could go further than this though as, at times, he could think about ending his life. Another Part If so, this will show that he has had enough of living in this way and can’t take much more. Now, while he could feel worthless and unlovable, there could be more to it. Along with this, he could believe that this is because he is a man. Therefore, as he is a man and this is not something that he can change, how he sees himself won’t change either. What’s going on? At this point, it could seem strange why he would believe that being a man would mean that he is worthless and unlovable. Naturally, this is going to lead to the view that even if he were to feel better about himself, this won’t change his sex and thus, his view of himself won’t be transformed. If he has been this way for most of his life, it could show that his early years were a time when he was deeply deprived. This may have been a time when his mother wasn’t very nurturing and his father wasn’t in his power. Back In Time His mother may have often been cold, cruel, and critical, and his father might have often been passive, distant, and physically abusive. He was then undermined by both his mother and father. Moreover, his mother might have generally dominated his father and humiliated him. In his mother’s eyes, then, his father wouldn’t have had any value, been lovable, and would have been nothing more than an idiot. Emotionally Starved As he would have identified with his father, his mother would have sent her son the same message that she was sending his father. By being treated badly and having a father who was treated like he was nothing, he wouldn’t have received the nutrients that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. Instead, he would have developed a felt sense of being worthless and unlovable and seen himself as being less-than as a result of being a boy who would, over time, grow into a man. If he wasn’t egocentric at this stage of his life and his brain was more developed, he wouldn’t have personalised what was going on and would have been able to see that his mother and father were deeply wounded human beings. The Truth For him to know, at the core of his being, that he is not worthless or unlovable and that there is nothing wrong with the fact that he is a man, he is likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience, and persistence. Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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