In order for a man to go to sleep at night and to leave his bed in the morning, he will need to have a sense of trust. Without this, he won’t be able to let go and fall asleep and he won’t be willing to leave his home and go out into the world.
However, although he might be able to do this, it doesn’t mean that he will find it easy to trust when it comes to other areas of his life. So, when it comes to his relationships, he might not be able to let anyone in.
Surface Level Connections
Now, this is not to say that he will be a loner; no, what it means is that he might not be close to anyone. There can then be people in his life but he won’t share much of himself with them.
Therefore, he can talk about what he has been doing, current affairs and about others but he won’t share his inner world. His needs and feelings can typically be a mystery to others and himself.
Although living in this way could just be what is normal, part of him could have the need for more. However, he might not be aware of the fact that he finds it hard to trust others, which could make him believe that this is just how life is.
If so, he won’t be playing a part in what is going on, what is going on ‘out there’ will be the reason why his life is this way. As a result of this, he could feel totally powerless when it comes to changing this area of his life.
Out of Reach
There may have been at least one moment in his life when he has been able to get close to a woman but this may have also been a time when he experienced a lot of pain. Perhaps he started to open up to her and then their time together soon came to an end.
Or maybe, she ended up cheating on him, with him vowing never to open up to a woman again. Either way, he won’t look back at what took place with fondness.
If he was to speak to someone about what is taking place when it comes to his relationships and how he is rarely able to get close to others, he could say that it’s because he has been hurt in the past. And how, if it wasn’t for one or a number of experiences, he would be able to let people in.
In this case, it will be essential for him to forgive the person or people who harmed him and to forgive himself for what he went through. This will play a big part in what will allow him to draw the line, to put what took place behind him and to open up once again.
At the same time, he may find that even before he was hurt by at least one person he found it hard to open up to others. This will show that although what took place will have wounded him, it won’t have been what caused him to be this way.
He might struggle to pinpoint when he first started to be this way and might wonder if this is just what he is like. It could be as though he was born this way and this is just part of his personality.
If he has been this way for as long as he can remember, it could be due to what took place during his childhood years. This may have been a time when he was physically harmed by his father.
The person who was supposed to love, protect and guide him would have deeply wounded him. If he had developed a sense of trust before this part of his life, he would have soon lost it.
A Sitting Duck
As he was totally powerless and dependent, he wouldn’t have been able to stop his father from hurting him and he wouldn’t have been able to find another home. The only thing that he would have been able to do was to repress how he felt and disconnect from himself.
While this wouldn’t have stopped what was going on, it would have stopped him from being aware of it. There may have also been moments when he was able to get away from his father and hide.
By being treated in this way, he would have come to associate closeness as a threat to his very survival. Keeping his distance and not letting anyone in would then have been essential.
It wouldn’t have mattered that not everyone was a threat his survival and that some people could be trusted as the particular would have become the general. This would have been an association that was automatically formed as opposed to something he consciously chose to create.
The Past is present
The years would have passed and his conscious mind would have forgotten all about what took place, yet the rest of his being wouldn’t. It was then to be expected that what was going on ‘out there’ was seen as the problem.
In reality, what was going on ‘out there’ was mirroring back what was taking place inside his own consciousness. For him to move forward there will be beliefs and associations for him to question, emotional wounds to heal and trauma to resolve.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.