Anger, like any other feeling, is neutral; what defines whether it will lead to constructive or destructive behaviour is how it is utilized. So, if a man was to end up experiencing anger and lashed out at someone, it would be destructive.
However, if he was to end up experiencing anger and this made him stand his ground, it would be constructive. Therefore, it wouldn’t be right to say that anger is bad; this would be an inaccurate viewpoint.
But, although this will be the case, it doesn’t mean that a man will have a healthy relationship with his anger. In general, he could be out of touch with it and this could cause him to believe that he simply doesn’t get angry.
If he ever sees another person get angry, he could end up judging them and believe that they lack self-control. It then won’t matter what this person is like as he will see them in a negative light.
Still, while being around people like this will make him feel conformable, he may find that there are a number of people in his life who are like this. On the surface, it will seem as though he is radically different to these people.
This is something that he himself is likely to say if he was to think about these people. He may do his best to change their behaviour or he might just do what he can to get out of their way when they do get angry.
A Common Assessment
Then again, he might just put up with it when someone in his life gets angry, with this being a time when he comes across as calm. If the people in this life were asked to describe him, they could say that he is easy-going and perhaps laid back.
Along with this, they could say that he lacks backbone, doesn’t stand his ground and allows people to walk all over him. Over the years, they may have even encouraged him to be less tolerant of bad behaviour and to assert himself.
A natural outcome
As he doesn’t have a good connection with his anger and is likely to suppress it when it arises, it is not much of a surprise that he will have the tendency to be walked over and will rarely assert himself. Not being connected to his anger will strip him of the power and the energy that he needs to be able to protect and express himself.
He will be wide open and unable to look after himself. It then won’t matter if another person lacks boundaries and has the inclination to walk over others as he won’t let them know, either directly or indirectly, what is or isn’t acceptable.
Another outcome of being this way is that he is likely to spend a lot of time feeling low and depressed. He won’t express how he really feels, so these feelings will stay inside him and pull him down.
Additionally, as he doesn’t stand his ground when he needs to and assert himself, he is unlikely to live a fulfilling life and this will also deprive him of a number of pleasurable feelings. What is clear is that, for his life to change, he will need to form a healthy relationship with his anger.
A Closer Look
If he was to get to the point where he has suffered enough and no longer wants to experience life in this way, he could start to wonder why he sees his anger as bad and does what he can to avoid it. What this could show is that his brain has blocked out what would shed light on why he is this way.
This is something that will have taken place to protect him, not to make his life harder than it needs to be. To find out why he is this way, it may be necessary for him to take a closer look at what took place during his developmental years.
Back In Time
Throughout this stage of his life, his father may have physically harmed him. This would then have been someone who was controlled by his anger and aggression and ended up causing a lot of harm as a result.
This would have caused him to associate anger and aggression as being something that was bad, destructive and dangerous. Naturally, he wouldn’t have wanted to embrace something that was so harmful or to be like his father.
A New Relationship
If his father had not been this way and generally expressed his anger and aggression in ways that were constructive, it would have allowed him to form a healthy relationship with this part of him. Also, not being harmed by his father would have stopped him from having to experience so much anger and rage that had to be repressed and to develop in the right way.
Changing this view will be important, as will working through the emotional wounds that he experienced all those years ago. Underneath the anger and rage that he will carry will be the softer feelings such as rejection, betrayal, helplessness and hopelessness.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.