Father Wounds: Can A Man Have A Negative Self-Image If His Father Was Humiliated During His Early Years?
In general, a man may have the tendency to feel low and bad about himself. When this is so, he could end up doing one of two things; he could either isolate himself from others or he could be around others and do what he can to please them.
Therefore, it won’t be necessary for him to isolate himself in order to not be seen by others as this is what will often take place even when he is around others. Ultimately, being seen and heard by others won’t be something that truly feels comfortable.
On The Sidelines
Deep down, being seen and heard can be seen as something that would cause him to be rejected and abandoned. So, hiding when he is around others will be seen as the only way for him to be accepted.
As behaving in this way is likely to just be what is normal, he might not even think about hiding. But, even if this is what automatically takes place, it is still likely to have a negative effect on him.
There will then be how he feels before he hides and then there will be how he feels after, or shortly after. This can be a time when he will feel frustrated, angry and deeply depressed.
To try to feel better about himself, he could end up consuming something or engaging in some kind of activity. This might not allow him to feel really good but it is likely to stop him from feeling really bad and being in so much pain.
Due to how he generally feels about himself, he might not be very successful when it comes to the opposite sex. He might not have been in an intimate relationship and even if he has, he might not have had a positive experience.
This may have been a time when he wasn’t valued or treated with respect and was perhaps often humiliated. Throughout this time, then, he would have largely felt worthless and been in a very low place.
When it comes to what he does for a living, he could do something that is anything but fulfilling. It might just provide him with enough money to take care of the basics but that could be as far as it will go.
Then again, he could do something that is fulfilling yet thanks to how he feels about himself, he won’t be able to take the next step. He won’t believe that he is worthy or deserving of having more.
A Strange Scenario
If he was able to step back and reflect on his life, he might wonder why he experiences life in this way. He could have arrived at the point where he is totally fed up with living in this way and is desperate for his life to change.
As he is a human being who has inherent worth, it will seem strange as to why he is not aware of this. Based on how he feels and behaves, it will be as though he has about as much value as a piece of dirt.
What’s going on?
If he was to think about his childhood years, he might not be able to remember a great deal. Or, he could think that this stage of his life wasn’t that bad and that his parents did the best they could, for instance.
There is a chance that this was a stage of his life when his father was mistreated by his mother and he may have also been mistreated by both of them. All through this time, his father may have been humiliated by his mother and made to look like a complete idiot who had no value.
As part of his own development, he would have both identified with and internalised his father to help with the creation of his own sense of self and identity. Thus, by behaving in this way, not only would his mother have wounded his father, she would have also wounded her son.
His mother may have been a misandrist or she might have just carried a lot of toxic shame and self-hate and projected these disowned parts onto certain men and women. Along with abusing his father, she may have also abused him in a number of different ways.
He would have come to see a man as someone who was worthless, useless and incapable and, as he was also a male, he would have come to see himself in the same way. The trouble is that the view that he developed of himself and men as a whole was a consequence of how a deeply wounded woman behaved.
Furthermore, most likely his father was also deeply wounded, which is why he ended up with a woman who was not in a good way. His father wouldn’t have been in his power and was probably a broken man long before he met her.
If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.