Father Wounds: Can Man Fear His Own Aggression If He Had An Abusive Father?

One way for a man to view his aggression would be to see it as both a source of fuel and as something that will keep him alive. This means that, inherently, this part of him is not bad or “negative”.

This doesn’t mean that this part of him can’t be used in a destructive manner. The key will be for him to have a healthy relationship with this part of him and for it to be integrated with the rest of his being.

The benefits

When this is the case, he will have access to the drive that he needs to take action and to achieve his goals. Therefore, he won’t passively wait around for things to happen or expect other people to give him what he wants.

Furthermore, he will be able to stand his ground and assert himself. By having this ability, he typically won’t allow people to walk over him and he will be able to freely express who he is.

In balance

If another person was to describe him, they could say that he is someone who has a backbone. Most likely, they won’t say that he is aggressive or that he takes advantage of others.

This will show that as his aggression has been integrated, most people are not even aware that he is in touch with this side of him. Nevertheless, he will be very much in touch with his primal side.

Greatly Diminished

Considering the effect that this part of a man will have on him, he is going to be a very watered-down version of himself if he doesn’t have access to it. He might be able to function without it but he won’t be anything like the man he would be with it.

Quite simply, he could be like a man who has been castrated. The energy and the need for self-preservation that would be provided by this part can be out of his reach, causing him to be very passive, submissive, easy-going and unable to assert himself or to say “no”.

A Doormat

As a result of this, he could live a life that is anything but fulfilling and he could spend a lot of time feeling down and depressed. In his eyes, life could be more of a curse than a blessing.

He could be used to being walked over, taken advantage of and doing things that he would rather not do. When it comes to his job, that’s if he has one, he could do something that is soul-destroying and doesn’t provide him with a sense of satisfaction.

A Helpless State

Thanks to how bleak his life is, he may often think about calling it a day and taking his own life. This will be due to the fact that he will have had enough and yet he will feel totally powerless.

The energy that he needs to take life by the horns, so to speak, will be outside of his reach and perhaps he will be unaware of this side of him. If so, there is the chance that he may even believe that he doesn’t have any aggression in him.

Estranged

Most likely, he does have aggression inside him but for some reason, he has lost touch with this part of his being. To activate himself, he will need to reconnect to his instinctual side.

This can illustrate that he doesn’t have a good connection with his body and he primarily lives in his head. Living in this way will give him mental power but it won’t give him the power he needs to materialise the life that he wants to live.

What’s going on?

It can seem strange as to why he would live on the surface of himself and be out of touch with the power that is located in his body. Once he is connected with his body, though, it will be like connecting a battery to a car – he will be brought to life.

Still, this is not to say that he will simply be able to reconnect to this part of him as it will take time. When it comes to why he would be alienated from his body, it can be due to what took place when he was a child.

A Hellish Existence

During this stage of his life, he may have regularly been both physically and verbally abused by his father. It may have been as if he had been sent unarmed into a warzone, as he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on.

The only option that was available to him would have been to disconnect from his body, which would have caused him to lose touch with his aggression/fight instinct in the process. Throughout this period of his life, he may have often feared that he was going to be annihilated and that his life would come to an end.

A Build-Up

Along with the harm that this caused him, it would have meant that a lot of anger and rage accumulated deep inside his being. A lot of his energy will be spent keeping this pain at bay.

However, if he ever does come into contact with this aggression, he could feel guilty and ashamed, and, if he was to think about embracing this side of him, he could believe that it would cause him to do something that he will later regret. Thanks to how his father behaved, he will have formed a negative view of his aggression and keeping this side of him at bay will be essential.

Stuck

To move forward, he will need to connect to his aggression, and, for this to happen, he will need to work through his inner wounds and trauma. It is through processing what took place that he will be able to get out of his shut-down, frozen state and to gradually reintegrate this side of his being.

Unless this takes place, he will continue to be a shadow of the person he could be and he won’t be able to grow. What he will need to ponder, if he is not fully on board with this, is that his father expressed his aggression in a very destructive way and that he can embrace this side of him without being consumed by and doing something equally as destructive.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk