Father Wounds: Can Man Have The Need To Be Rescued If His Father Was Emotionally Unavailable?

Although a man will be an adult, it doesn’t mean that he will typically feel strong and capable. Instead, he could typically feel weak and incapable, which is likely to mean that his life will often be too much for him to handle.
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In general, it could be as though his circumstances are greater than he is. Therefore, it will be normal for him to feel weighed down by life and he could simply do his best to keep going.

A Strong Need

If he was to put into words what he needs at this stage of his life, he could say that he needs someone to come and take care of him. He may even say that he needs a man to come and support him.  

However, there is the chance that he is not consciously aware of what he needs. As a result of this, it won’t be possible for him to do anything about how he experiences life and he will continue to suffer in silence.

His Experience

Along with not feeling strong and capable, he could also spend a lot of time being in a passive state. This will be a time when he doesn’t have much energy and doesn’t do a great deal.

He could feel very low and even depressed and do what he can do to avoid how he feels. This could take place by him consuming something and he might engage in an activity that will both distract and soothe him.

One Area

When it comes to the people in his life, some of them might be the complete opposite of him. So, when he is around some of these people, he could go along to get along and not assert himself.

It then might not matter whether he wants to do something as he could just go along with it anyway. Furthermore, a lot of the people in his life might be older than him and act more like parental figures.

A Frustrating Experience

Although being around people like this is likely to be what feels comfortable to a big part of him, it doesn’t mean that every part of him will be on board with what is going on. Another part of him could be totally fed up with simply being a follower and a yes man.

But, due to how strong the other part of him is, it is unlikely that he will do anything about what is going on. This can be seen as something that he merely needs to tolerate.

From The Outside

If a man, who is in his power, was to come into contact with him, he could say that he is not in his power. He could also say that based on how he behaves; he is more like a boy than a man.

At this point, he could say that he needs to man up or something similar or he could wonder why he is experiencing life in this way. This can all depend on how aware he is and what challenges he has overcome himself.

The Cause

One way of looking at what is going on would be to say that the reason he is this way is that he missed out on what he needed to be able to grow and develop during his early years. His physical self will then have grown but his emotional self won’t have grown.

This may have been a time when his father wasn’t around or if he was around; he wouldn’t have been emotionally available. The support, guidance and affirmation that he needed from his father wouldn’t have been provided.

Frozen In Time

While this stage of his life will be over, a big part of him will still be waiting for his father to provide him with what he missed out on. It won’t matter if his father is no longer alive as this part of him won’t just move on.

This part of him is also likely, via transference, to see certain men and even women as his father. He will then unconsciously look towards certain people to give him what his father was unable to give him.

Deeply Deprived

Not receiving what he needed would have caused him to experience a lot of pain and this pain will be held in his brain and body. Naturally, as he is now a man and no longer a boy, it won’t be possible for him to receive what he missed out on as a child.

This is not to say that other men can’t provide him with support, guidance and affirmation but this will be different. A big part of what will allow him to truly put this stage of his life behind him will be for him to grieve his unmet childhood needs.

A Process

This will involve connecting to old memories and the pain that goes with them and crying out the pain that he experienced but was unable to process as a child. Most likely, this would have been a stage of his life when how he felt was automatically repressed.

By doing this, he wouldn’t have changed what was going on but it would have caused him to lose touch with the pain that he experienced through not having his needs met. This pain will stop him from being able to be in his power.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk