Father Wounds: Did A Father’s Depriving Childhood Stop Him From Being Able To Protect His Son?

Although a man’s childhood is well and truly over, it doesn’t mean that he will generally feel like a strong and capable adult. Instead, he can generally feel low and be full of doubt, and be anxious and fearful.

If he is consciously aware of what is going on, he could believe that he is this way due to what his life is like. Therefore, if this life was different, there would be no reason for him to be this way.

One Area

When it comes to what he does for a living, then, if he has a job, he could do something that is not fulfilling. So, it might allow him to pay his hills bills but it won’t allow him to meet many of his other needs.

This could be an environment where he doesn’t feel valued and appreciated and could often be treated badly. Part of him could be desperate to leave but another, stronger part of him could believe that this is his only option.

Another Area

As for his relationships, he might not have anyone in his life that he is close to and can open up to. The people that are in his life could be more life associates and they might not be overly supportive either.  

If he is in a romantic relationship, he could be with a woman who doesn’t value or love him. She could be very controlling and treat him as though he is nothing.

A Common Theme

Regardless of whether he can relate to all or only some of the above scenarios as well as others, what will be clear is that he won’t have a felt sense of his own power, worth or lovability. This will prevent him from being able to lead himself and create a life that is worth living.

He won’t believe that he has what it takes or that he is worthy and deserving of living a life like this. It will then be what is going on for him internally, not externally that is holding him back.

Stepping Back

If he were to become aware of this, he could wonder why he feels so weak and empty on the inside and doesn’t feel strong, whole and complete. What might enter his mind is that he was just born this way.

Consequently, he could believe that this is how his life will always be and that he just has to put up with what is going on. His life will then be bleak and it will stay this way until his last breath.

Another Angle

Nonetheless, even though it may seem as if he was born this way, there is likely to be far more to it. There is a strong chance that he missed out on what he needed during his formative years.

Yet, as his brain will have blocked out what took place, he won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak. This won’t have taken place to harm him; it will have taken place to protect him.

Back In Time

Throughout this stage of his life, both his mother and father might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for him. Additionally, his mother might have lacked warmth and been physically and verbally abusive.

As for his father, he might have typically done what he could to please his son’s mother and been physically abusive. In other words, his mother would have been in control and his father would have followed her lead.

Two Sides

Thus, there would have been the damage that his mother did and the damage that his father did. What he needed was his mother’s love, support and protection, and his father’s love, support and protection.

Based on how he was often treated, it would have been as if he was an intruder who had no right to be there. Irrespective of whether they were consciously aware of this or not, and they probably weren’t, they would have typically done their best to undermine their son.

A Closer Look

The trouble is that while he wasn’t at fault for what happened, as he was egocentric, he would have personalised what took place. He would have come to believe that he was worthless and unlovable.

When it comes to why his father was unable to truly be there for him, it is highly likely that both his mother and father were unable to be there for him when he was a boy. This stage of his life would then have been a time when he typically wasn’t loved, supported or protected.

A Continuation

And, for whatever reason, as he was unable to face and work through some of his inner wounds, he ended up depriving his son in the same way or in a way that was very similar, to how he himself was deprived. This would have stopped him from being able to develop a felt sense of his own worth and lovability.

He also wouldn’t have been able to develop his own power, which, along with not knowing his worth or that he was lovable, would have set him up to end up in a relationship where he was walked over and treated like dirt. With this in mind, he can keep in mind that he was on the receiving end of something that has probably been passed down for many, many generations.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk