If a man was to think about his early years, he might end up thinking about some of the good moments that he shared with his father. Then again, this could be a time when he will remember moments that were far from good.
What this may illustrate is that, during this phase of his life, he had a very challenging relationship with his father. The relationship that he has with his father might be different now that he is an adult, or it might not be much different.
Back In Time
When it comes to what took place when he was a child, this may have been a time when he was physically harmed by his father. Additionally, he may have also been regularly put down by him.
Therefore, his father wouldn’t have provided him with the safety, security, support and encouragement (to imbue him with courage) that he needed at this stage of his life. Due to this, his father would have been seen as a threat as opposed to someone who would protect and look after him.
A Big Difference
Considering how small he would have been in comparison to him, it would have been terrifying to have a father like this. He wouldn’t have been able to fight back and while he may have been able to run away, he wouldn’t have been able to go very far.
To handle what was going on, his body may have often seized up (the freeze response) and he may have often lost touch with his body (dissociation). In both of these responses, he would have been able to deal with what was going on without needing to go anywhere.
The Fall Out
Now that he is an adult, he might struggle to be in his body and to connect to how he feels. In general, he could live in his head and be someone who is dead from the neck down.
Through being this way, he could come across as someone who lacks energy and vitality. The energy that he is lacking will be held in the lower part of his body and be unable to rise up, due to the trauma that he is carrying.
If this is so, it will also show that he has lost touch with his fight instinct/aggression. To reintegrate this part of his being, he will need to get back into his body and to connect to his feelings.
As a child, it would have been too painful for him to feel and it also wouldn’t have been safe enough for him to assert himself. Ergo, losing touch with his feelings and his fight instinct would have been a matter of survival.
Many years will have passed since this stage of his life but his body will carry most, if not all, of the pain that he experienced. As a result of this, it is highly unlikely that he will just be able to get back into his body and to feel his feelings.
Instead, this will be something that takes time; if this process is rushed, it could do more harm than good. Naturally, getting in touch with this pain and working through it will take courage.
When he starts to get in touch with how he feels, it could be as though he has gone back in time. In addition to the fact that his emotional self has no sense of time, it will be because he will feel some of the feelings that he felt when he was a powerless and dependent child.
He can end up feeling powerless, helpless, hopeless, worthless, fearful and terrified. Thanks to the intensity of his feelings and sensations, there may be times when he simply can’t stay connected to his inner experience.
How he felt during this stage of his life will be one part, the other part will be the meaning that his mind created around what happened. And, as he was egocentric at this stage of his life, what took place would have been taken personally.
Therefore, although what took place had nothing to do with him or his value as a human being, this wouldn’t have mattered. The meaning that was created from what happened will have a big effect on how he sees himself and the world in general.
The Balding Blocks of Reality
What took place during his early years may mean that he has some, if not all, of the following beliefs:
These beliefs, along with any others that he has, are not the truth, but they will shape his reality. The reason for this is that he is not simply an observer of his reality; he is actively playing a part in what he does and doesn’t experience.
If a man can relate this, and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
Through working through his emotional wounds and questioning what he believes, he will gradually be able to get in touch with his inherent value, to reconnect to his fight instinct and to get back into his body. The truth is that what he went through as a child wasn’t his fault and he didn’t deserve to be treated badly.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.