If a woman was to talk about what her father was like when she was growing up, she may say that he was very loving and supportive or she could say the complete opposite. Having said that, she may say something in between; saying something that is neither positive nor negative.
However, as she will now be a woman and her early years are well and truly behind her, it could be said that it doesn’t matter what this stage of her life was like. Also, there is the chance that the last thing she will want to do is to focus on what happened in the past.
The Current Relationship
If she says she had a good with her father growing up, there is the chance that she will still have one with him. On the other hand, if this wasn’t the case whilst she was growing up, her relationship with him now could be the same.
It could be different, though, as he might no longer be on this earth. If this is so, it might not matter what their early relationship was like as they could still have moments when she misses his presence.
When it comes to what her relationships have been like with other men, she may have had a number of different challenges. In fact, there could be at least one man who is currently pressing her buttons.
Nonetheless, if she was asked if she thinks that there is a connection between what is going on and how her father treated her, she might say that there isn’t. Now, if she had a good relationship with her father, this can appear to make sense.
Even so, it doesn’t matter if a woman had a very good relationship with her father as she may have still been wounded by him. This is not to say that this was his intention; he was an imperfect human being after all.
Another thing that needs to be considered is how her ego-mind may have created an idealised image of her father in order to stop her from experiencing emotional pain. This is why her father may have been one way and she can say he was the complete opposite.
What also needs to be said is that the experiences that a woman has with men are not just defined by what her father was like. No, what can also play a part is what other men were like during this time and her mother and other women.
It would be easy to say that a woman would only have challenges with a man because she has ‘daddy issues’ – a term that is often used in a condescending manner and ironically, by those that have a few ‘mommy issues’ – but it is not this black and white. The reason for this is that her inner wounds can be mirrored back by anyone; it doesn’t matter if the person mirroring them back is the same gender as the person who created the wound in the first place.
A Closer Look
So, if she was to reflect on the challenges that she has had with men over the years, and these challenges could still play out, she may find that that a few come to mind. Perhaps she has come into contact with a number of men that lacked boundaries, were verbally abusive and/or were unable to respect her.
Or, she may find that she has met numerous men that were emotionally unavailable and couldn’t stand their ground. Due to this, she might have struggled to have a healthy relationship with a man (that’s if she is straight, of course, and, even if she isn’t, the women she has been with can mirror back some her father wounds) and to get along with men when it comes to her career.
If the idea was put forward that what is going on in her adult life is a reflection of what took place when she was younger, she could say that that is not possible. What took place will just be a thing of the past.
What happened will be in the past, that much is true, but the reason it will still play out is due to what she will still carry from that time in her life. Through seeing this connection, and taking responsibility for what keeps happening, she will be able to take her power back and to change her life; without it, she will just be an observer of her life and it will normal for her to feel like a powerless victim.
When it comes to what her early years were like, that’s if she is able to remember, she may find that her father had a lot in common with the men that have pressed her buttons over the years and continue to do so. What took place at this stage of her life will have been painful, but it would have been associated as what is familiar by her ego-mind.
To this part of her, what is familiar is what is associated as what is safe. Therefore, it doesn’t matter that these experiences were painful, as a big part of her will want to re-experience them.
This would have been a time when she developed a number of different beliefs about her herself and others and experienced a number of emotional wounds. For her life to change, these beliefs will need to be brought out into the light and questioned and her emotional wounds will need to be resolved.
If a woman can relate to this, and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.