When it comes to what someone fears as an adult, it might not seem as though it has got anything to do with their early years. In fact, one might struggle to remember most of what took place during their early years.
Consequently, when it comes to what they fear, it could seem as though these are just fears that they have picked up throughout their adult life. If they were to reach out for support and to go over what is troubling them, they could end up being told that these are “irrational fears”.
Suffering In silence
Before this took place, however, there is the chance that their fears had been disturbing them for many, many years. Perhaps they opened up to their friends or maybe they just kept what was going on to themselves.
Either way, thanks to what they fear, it will have made it harder for them to truly embrace life. Living in this way might have prevented them from taking the next step in their career and/or having fulfilling relationships.
A Few Examples
If they were to take a step back and to reflect on what it is that they fear, a number of things could enter their mind.
They could find that they have some, if not all, of the following fears:
A Massive Drain
Even if they only have one of these fears, it is naturally going to consume a lot of their energy and attention. Irrespective of if it slightly or completely holds them back; it is going to be a problem.
With this in mind, the sooner they deal with their “irrational fear/s”, the better it will be for them and even the world as a whole. So, as they have reached out for support, the next stage could be for them to deal with their ‘cognitive distortions’.
The Point of Focus
This could show that one has reached out for the support of a cognitive behavioural therapist or someone who has a similar outlook. They may be told that their fears are the result of their ‘negative’ thinking patterns or thoughts.
Thus, once they have dealt with their faulty thinking, they may find that they start to settle down. To use an analogy: they can then go from being on the subs bench or not playing a full game, to being on the field or playing a full game.
A Mixed Response
Then again, this approach might only work for a short while or it might not work at all. If it only works for a short while, it is likely to show that their fears were simply repressed and have now come back up.
At this point, it could be said that they just need to do what they were doing before and their life will gradually change. Doing the same thing, as opposed to trying something else, will then be the solution.
Another way of looking at this approach would be to say that the reason it won’t always work is that it only takes into account what is taking place on the surface. What it doesn’t do is acknowledge the existence of their unconscious mind, let alone explore this part of ones being.
If this part of them was explored, what could soon become clear is that what they fear is not ‘irrational’, it actually relates to something that they actually experienced as a child. Up until this point, this won’t have been something that they were aware of due to the defences that their mind had in place to protect them.
What they experienced as a child would have been forgotten about by their conscious mind, and this part would have forgotten that it had forgotten, but what was held in their unconscious mind would have still seeped into their conscious mind. Getting in touch with this other part of them, and some of the information that is contained there, will then be like turning a light on in a room.
The previous approach would have been like having a candle on in the same room and then making an assumption about what was in the room based on a minimal amount of light. It would be more or less impossible to see what was in the room, which is why it wouldn’t be possible to provide an accurate description.
Let’s say, then, that one has a fear of being humiliated, there could have been a time, or a number of times, when this took place. But, as this was probably a time when what took place overwhelmed their whole being, it would have meant that they were unable to integrate what happened.
These emotional experiences will have stayed in their body and will have set them up to expected more of the same. For their mind and body to settle down, they will need to resolve these early traumas.
Therefore, by resolving what hasn’t been resolved in their past, it will enable them to be more present and to have a different view of the future. This, of course, won’t happen overnight, but it will happen as long as they are patient and persistent.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.