Although someone can have a fear of being left, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. Even so, this can still be a fear that will have a massive impact on their life.
So, from outside of their couscous awareness, this fear is likely to define how they generally behave. For one thing, they might rarely if ever be single, with them having spent just about everyone moment of their adult life in a relationship.
This could mean that they have been with a number of people that were not right for them. They might have been with a number of people that were abusive and/or were not a good match.
If this is the case, it is not going to be a surprise as their priority will be to not be alone, not to find someone that is a good match for them. As a result of this, their need to be with someone that treated them well and/or was right for them would have been denied.
If they are not currently in a relationship, then, it might not be long until they are. After they have met someone who they are attracted to, they might soon take the next step and end up in a relationship with them.
Naturally, their need to have someone that is there for them, to stop them from being alone, is going to make them move fast. It might also not take long until they end up moving in together.
No Empty Space
And, if they are not with their partner or at work, they could spend time with a friend or friends. Therefore, they are seldom going to spend time by themselves and, if they do, they could soon feel anxious.
During this time, to settle themselves down, they could end up messaging or calling a friend. This could be something that takes place so fast that they have very little if any time to acknowledge the fact that they are anxious.
Alternatively, someone could have a fear of being left but it doesn’t mean that they will typically be in a relationship. There is a chance that they haven’t ever been in a relationship before.
This is not to say that they won’t have any friends, though. If someone is in this position, they could keep their fear of being alone at bay by not being too far away from others and not too close to them.
What can also help them to manage how they feel, deep down, is for them to live on the surface of themselves. By having people around them but not being emotionally close to them and being in a disconnected state, they will be able to keep this fear out of their conscious awareness.
For them, unlike the person above, they are likely to also have a fear of being smothered that stops them from getting too close to others. Yet, for the person above, they can still have a fear of being smothered but if they do, it won’t be as extreme.
What’s going on?
Now, if someone who has a fear of being left was to become aware of this, they could wonder what is going on. Most likely, this will be seen as a time when they won’t just be left but when their life will come to an end.
Like a powerless and dependent child, then, they won’t be able to do anything about what takes place and this is why they will die. With this in mind, it is to be expected that not being with someone or getting too far away from others and being in a disconnected state would cause them to experience a fair amount of anxiety.
This anxiety will be there to let them know that something bad is about to happen. However, as they are an adult and are not a powerless and dependent child, it could be said that there is no reason for them to be this way.
If they are not with another person or close to others, it is unlikely that they would die. This should be a time when they are able to both soothe themselves and appreciate their own company.
What this may illustrate is that their early years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when they were often left by their parent or parents. This may have been the case practically from the moment they were born.
Being abandoned would then have been normal, and this would have caused them to be deeply wounded. To handle this pain, their brain would have automatically repressed how they felt and they would have disconnected from themselves.
The Past Is Present
Considering this, what they fear will happen if they are not in a relationship or close to others and in a disconnected state will be something that has already happened. But, as they were unable to fully experience how they felt during their formative years and integrate it, it will be seen as something that will happen.
For them to put the past behind them and no longer fear something that has already happened, they are likely to have a lot of pain to work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.