It could be said that there are a number of things in life that one can’t avoid and experiencing loss is one of those things. No matter what one looks like, where they are from, or what their gender is, for instance, it is not going to be possible for them to avoid this experience.
However, this is not to say that everyone will want to acknowledge this fact, and as a result of this, it is going to mean that not everyone will respond in the same way when loss occurs. Therefore, there are going to be people who are able to face loss when it occurs and there are going to be others who are unable to do so.
Black and White
Having said that, it could be said that life is not this back and white, and just because one doesn’t avoid experiencing a loss that has occurred at one point in time, it doesn’t mean they won’t avoid it at another. But at the same time, there is a strong chance that they have a general way of responding to loss.
Another way of looking it would be to say that even though one may respond in a certain way to loss, it doesn’t mean there won’t be times when they will respond differently. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule.
When one person experiences loss, they may take the time to grieve the loss, and this will show that they are facing how they feel. This is not to say that they will do this by themselves, as they could have people around them who are there to support them.
During this time, one is likely to cry out the pain that is within them and through having the right support around them; it will also give them the encouragement they need to continue. But if they find that they need more support, they might end up reaching out for professional help, for instance.
Through being able to go through the grieving process, it could also be a sign that they have a good level of patience. For example, if one has lost a loved one or experienced the end of a relationship, they could be in a lot of pain, and this pain is not going to simply disappear.
No matter how much they cry or who they have around them, it could take a while before they are able to find meaning once again. So through having the ability to be patent and to continue with the grieving process, they will gradually be able to embrace life once again.
A New Normal
Yet this is not to say that their life will go back to how it was, as it is not going to be possible for this to occur. If someone has passed on, for instance, there is a strong chance that their life will never be the same again.
As a result of this, it is going to mean that one’s experience on this earth will be different. The person they lost is no longer going to be there, but they will live on in their heart and mind, as well as in the hearts and minds of others.
So while some people will experience loss and grieve the loss, there are going to be other people who don’t go through with this process. This can then mean that they end up disconnecting from how they feel.
And although this can mean that they are surrounded by people who generally respond to loss in the same way, this might not be the case. But regardless of this, it is not going to have an effect on how they deal with loss.
It can then be normal for them carry on as normal and they might not even be away of how they feel. Thus, other people could end up saying that they are ‘strong’ and that they are an example of how someone should behave.
But while they can look as though they are strong and that they have it altogether, so to speak; this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. Their heart is likely to be in pain and just because they have disconnected from how they feel, it doesn’t mean that this pain will simply go away.
As time passes, they may find that they start to experience life differently, and this is because the pain they have disconnected from is likely to be having an impact on their life. If this pain was to have an effect on their life straight away, it would be a lot easier for them to see why they are experiencing life as they are.
However, as it can take a while for their life to change, they can end up wondering why they feel as they do and why their life is the way it is. Unless they are able to take a deeper look at what is taking place, they could end up trying to treat the symptoms.
Fear of Loss
This could mean that they end up feeling depressed, disconnected from others and they could end up developing a fear of loss, among other things. Through having this fear, they can feel the need to keep a close eye on everything they own and when it comes to their relationships, they could try to control others.
Through controlling them, they can believe that it will stop them from losing them, and this fear can also cause one to experience a lot of anxiety. But even if they don’t end up trying to control everything, they can still find it hard to relax.
If they are unaware of the pain that is within them that needs to be processed, they can come to believe that this is an irrational fear. They may then end up being told that they need to look into what they believe and then to change these beliefs, for instance.
Along with this, they may hear that even though loss is part of life, there is no need for them to fear loss. They may hear that it is important for them to accept that loss is part of life and through accepting this, it will enable them to let go of this fear and to settle down.
However, if one is carrying a lot of pain in their body, it is not going to be enough for them to change what is taking place in their mind. Once they process the pain in their body, it is likely to be a lot easier for them to accept that loss is part of life and then to settle down.
If one can relate to this, it will be important for them to cry out the pain that is within them, and if they can’t do this by themselves, it will be necessary for them to reach out for support. This can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.