A lot has been said recently about the attack on masculinity and even about how men in general are being undermined. When it comes to masculinity, it is often made out that men are the only ones who have this element, which is then why men end up being seen as bad.
This is, of course, not the case, as both men and women have this element within them. To demonise the masculine aspect, then, doesn’t just have a negative impact on men; it also has a negative impact on women.
A woman who wants to develop this side of her nature could end up taking a step back, not wanting to embrace something that is so destructive. Consequently, she could continue to act in a passive and submissive manner.
Ultimately, both of these elements are neither good nor bad; it all depends on how each aspect is used. For example: the feminine aspect can create something that is good or bad; the masculine aspect can destroy something that is good or bad.
But while a lot has been said about how destructive masculinity is and how men need to let go of this side of them, there are a lot of people who are surprised by this. For a lot of men, masculinity is seen as something that they don’t have enough of.
A man like this can allow people to walk over him, to behave in a passive manner and to lack drive. It will then be clear to him that he needs to embrace more of this side of his nature, that’s if he wants to live a life that is worth living.
The Other Side
There are then going to be a lot of women who will believe that a lot of men need to become more masculine. Perhaps, they have spent a lot of time around men who lack backbone and who are extremely submissive.
For a woman like this, it will be clear that men like this need to develop this side of their nature. From the experiences that she has had with men like this, she will know that their behaviour is not allowing them to live a fulfilling life.
Yet even though there are some men who have more or less disconnected from their masculine nature, there are going to be others who have more or less disconnected from their feminine nature. Nonetheless, if a man like this was to hear this, he might dismiss what has been said.
He could say that he is a man and this means that there is no ‘femininity’ within him. Being told such a thing could cause him to say that this is just another way that the world is trying to turn men into women.
It would be easy to say that both men and women are fifty percent masculinity and fifty percent femininity. The trouble with this outlook is that some women are more masculine than feminine and some men are more feminine than masculine.
Now, although certain things can be done to elevate someone’s weaker side, this doesn’t mean that they will become a completely balanced human being. No matter what they do, there is the chance that one side will always be stronger than the other.
A Closer Look
What took place during ones early years, what their birth was like and what it was like for them in the womb can all play a part in what they will be like as an adult. When it comes to their time in the womb, one’s mind might have no recollection of what it was like, but it will still play a part in what their ‘personality’ is like.
Taking all this into account, there is going to be no point in trying to “re-educate” boys (or even men) who have well developed masculine natures. Doing this may cause this side of him to be repressed, only to come out in a destructive manner latter on.
So, when it comes to a man who is very much in touch with his masculine nature, it can seem as though he doesn’t have a feminine aspect. His outer appearance is then going to be a reflection of his inner appearance, so to speak.
A man like this might not care about other people’s feelings, having very little interest in empathising with others. His feelings can be seen as things that need to be controlled, not embraced.
Through being this way, it can be as if it is only possible for him to relate to people on a certain level. Connecting to people mentally is then going to be the norm, with him having no interest in connecting to them emotionally.
Other people can then be kept at a distance, with him only having mental and physical needs to fulfill. If he is in a relationship, there could be no feelings involved and, if he has any children, he could be just as distant.
This could mean that he is only interested in facts and things that can be proven, not trusting feelings or being interested in the information that they can provide. What can be seen with his eyes will be real, whilst what can’t will be unreal and pure fantasy.
The Pattern Continues
When a man behaves in this way, it is unlikely that he has a good connection to his heart. Maybe, his emotions were more or less overlooked during his early years, setting him to stay in an emotionally undeveloped state.
During this time in his life, his father may have been emotionally shut down and not acknowledged his feelings. And, as stated above, what happened to him when he was born and whilst he was in his mother’s womb, may have also played a part.
If a man like this wants to become a more balanced human being, it could be something that takes a little while. Deep within his being, he could be carrying a lot of pain and this is likely to mean that he will have a lot of shame within him.
For him to become a more integrated human being, he will most likely need to reach out for external support. This will mean putting his independence to one side and embracing his interdependence.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.