When it comes to the people that one is closest to, they are likely to find that they have similar views. They may disagree about certain things from time to time, but in general they will be on the same page, so to speak.
Whereas if one was to think about the people they that they are not very close to, they may find that it’s because they have completely different views. This is not to say that won’t agree on some things, but it won’t be enough to bring them together.
Now, it would be inaccurate to say that this is all there is to it, as there are clearly other factors involved. For one thing, one will also need to feel comfortable with someone in order to spend time with them.
On one side, this will be influenced by the other person’s outlook, and on the other side, it will also be influenced by how they feel about themselves. What this comes down to is that one typically ends up with people who have the same level of self-worth as they do.
This is one reason why one won’t always be drawn to people who have the same views as they do. For example, one could meet someone who has the same outlook as they do and instead of feeling comfortable, they could end up keeping their distance.
Alternatively, one could find that even though they do feel comfortable with them, they don’t feel the need to take things further. This is then similar to how one can enjoy eating something they have taken from a buffet, and at the same time, they don’t feel the need to go back for more.
An Open Mind
However, just because one spends time with people who have a similar outlook, it doesn’t mean that they won’t have an open mind. They might be only too happy to listen to their friends and family when their views are different to theirs.
Along with this, one may also have the same approach when it comes to the people they come across in their day to day life. This could also apply to the views that they come across when they are online.
During this time, one may find that they change their outlook, or they may find that they don’t agree with what is being said. But even if they don’t agree with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s because the other person is in the wrong.
It could just be a sign that one has a different perspective, and as a result of this, they won’t feel the need to try and change the other person. They may be able to understand why they have a different outlook and if they don’t, they might end up doing their own research.
What this will show is that one is able to accept that not everyone has the same outlook as they do. Therefore, they won’t feel the need to put another person down or to try to control them.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they are able to respect other people’s boundaries. They are not going to try to take away someone’s right to express themselves.
Having an open mind is not going to be the only thing that allows them to do this; what will also play a part is their ability to contain their emotional experience. What this means is that they won’t be controlled by their emotions and neither will they feel the need to deny them.
This will be something that will allow them to keep an open minded and not to get caught up in how they feel. Thus, this will be a lot easier for them to keep a balanced perspective, and they will then be less likely to act irrationally.
It could be said that this will be the ideal, as when someone is like this they won’t feel the need to take away another person’s freedom of speech. As when one allows another person to express their views, they are helping to create an environment where they can do the same thing.
But even though this is something that is incredible important, it doesn’t mean that everyone is able to accept that other people are entitled to their own views. One could be in a position where they try to stop this from happening.
If they were to hear something that they don’t agree with, they could end up labelling someone, and this will be a way for them to shut them up. The other person could then end up feeling guilty and ashamed (and even fearful), and that could be the end of it.
They could also try to tarnish their image, and this could be done through making things up. If one was to read something that they didn’t agree with online, they could end up reporting them or blocking them, for instance.
A Closer Look
It could be said that when one acts in this way, it shows that they are being controlled by their emotions. As a result, it is not possible for them to respond; the only thing they can do is to react.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that they are unable to think clearly, and this then sets them up to act irrationally. When another person says something that they disagree with, it causes them to have an emotional reaction, and instead of being able to contain how they feel; they end up trying to oppress someone else in order to change how they feel.
However, unless one realises that they are responsible for what is taking place within them, it will be normal for them to try to stop others from expressing their views. What this is likely to show is that they lack self-awareness, and that they are emotionally undeveloped.
If one can relate to this and they no longer want to blame other people for what is taking place within then, it will be important for them to develop self-awareness and the ability to contain their emotional experience. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist and/or a support group.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.