Grief: Can Someone Carry A Lot Of Grief If They Experienced Development Trauma?

What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they often feel down and depressed. If they are not in this shut down state and they are in touch with how they feel, they could typically feel very sad.

So, being out of touch with how they feel is not going to be a very pleasant experience and being in touch with how they feel is generally going to be even worse. What is clear is that they will be in a lot of pain.

A Weighed Down

If they were to describe their experience to another, they could say that it is as though they are carrying a heavyweight. It might not end there, though, as they could say that this weight also cuts into their skin at times.

Therefore, when they are in a shut down state, they will feel weighed down and when they are aware of how they feel, they will feel like they are being cut as they will be in such pain. Naturally, as they live in this way, it is going to be a challenge for them to appreciate the life that they have been given.

Complicated Grief
​
If they were to think about why they have the tendency to feel weighed down or extremely sad, they could struggle to understand what is going on. Then again, this could be put down to the fact that they have lost a loved one or recently experienced a breakup.

However, even if this was to enter their mind, they may find that they experienced life in this way before this took place. They could then see that they have been this way for about as long as they can remember.

Looking Back

If they were to reflect on their past, they might not be able to pinpoint when they first started to experience life in this way. As a result of this, they could come to the conclusion that they were simply born this way.

One thing that they could end up doing, to try to change their life, is to focus on what is taking place in their mind and to change their thoughts. Most likely, this approach won’t be very effective.

One Option

In order for them to change their life, they are going to need to face the pain that they are in and to work through it. This will be a time when they will be crying out unprocessed loss, sadness, anger and helplessness, among other feelings.

Ultimately, as this pain will relate to their emotional self (their feminine aspect) as opposed to their intellect, it will be a time of surrender. The masculine approach, on the other hand, that relates to changing fixing, repairing and controlling, won’t be needed.

Going Deeper

Now, if this is how they have been for most of their life, it could show that what took place during their formative years is the cause. This may have been a time when they were often neglected.

Practically from the moment they were born, they might not have been provided with the care that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. If so, they would have been abandoned throughout this stage of their life.

A Brutal Time

This would have meant that experiencing a sense of loss was a normal part of their life and this would have caused them to deeply suffer. But, as they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to change what was going on.

Their only option would have been to automatically repress how they felt and to disconnect from themselves. The pain that they were in wouldn’t have disappeared; it would have been stored deep inside them.

The Outcome

The years would then have passed and before they had experienced any other losses as an adult, they would have had the inclination to be in a shut down state or to feel sad. Their brain would have blocked out what took place to protect them, leaving their conscious mind with no clue as to why they were this way.

Considering what they went through at the beginning of their life, it is to be expected that they would be this way. If their system hadn’t responded in this way and thus their parasympathetic nervous system wasn’t activated and they didn’t go into a collapsed state, they wouldn’t be alive.

A Process

With what took place when they were younger and the losses that they have experienced throughout their adult years, they are likely to be carrying a lot of pain. Consequently, this pain won’t be worked through overnight.

It could take many, many years of crying out the pain that is inside them until they no longer need to shut down and are able to feel lighter. Yet, by engaging in this work, they will be able to open up again and to take life in.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

---

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk