After one has certain experiences in their life, they are generally going to feel certain emotions. And as we are all emotional beings, this is normal and what is to be expected. But just because this is normal and part of being human, it doesn’t mean that this is what always takes place.
Something can happen in one’s life, and they can end up tying to avoid experiencing the feelings that arise. Therefore, one is not going to fully embrace how they feel and at other times, one can avoid their feelings completely.
This is something the mind will do as a way to avoid pain and in this example, it is going to be emotional pain. And after a while, the mind can end up being completely oblivious to the emotions that one has disconnected from in their body.
The body on the other hand, will be only too aware of this pain; while the mind forgets, the body remembers. It is possible for the mind to believe that the pain has disappeared and no longer exists, but the body won’t be as deluded.
What this leads to is what is often described as ‘emotional baggage’. Even though emotions are not physical things, they can still end up causing one to feel weighed down; just as they would be if they were carrying something physical.
But it won’t just lead to their body feeling heavier, hardened and burdened, there will be other consequences. Life in general can end up being something that one must endure and not enjoy.
And every other area of their life can end up paying the price as well, from their: physical health, relationships, sense of purpose and passion or lack of it in this case and emotional wellbeing, amongst other things.
Although the mind can believe that the emotional pain is gone and everything is back to normal, there is a strong chance that it is simply stuck in their body. So instead of moving on from the experiences that caused one to feel as they did, they can end being unable to move on from what happened.
It is then nothing more than an illusion to say that one has moved on from what happened. They might be stuck, numb and have seen their quality of life diminish, but the mind can still do all it can to avoid facing the pain - the very thing that can lead to one being liberated.
And one thing that can cause someone to feel emotional pain is when some kind of loss occurs. When one experiences some kind of loss, there is also likely to be grief. This can be due to: the loss of a loved one; the end of a relationship; the loss of one’s childhood; of not getting ones needs met as a child, the loss of a pet and many other things.
Each and every one of us is unique and so not everyone is going to respond in the same way. There is no right or wrong way to respond, how one responds is how they respond and is not something to feel ashamed of or resist.
The ideal will be for this grief to be faced and not avoided. However, while this is the best option when it comes to one being able to move on with their life, it doesn’t always take place. And this can be due to one not feeling comfortable with their emotions, as well as being surrounded by people who are not comfortable either.
Perhaps one has formed an identity of being strong and emotionless and if they were to show how they felt, they might lose this image. If this relates to childhood grief, it could be that one’s caregivers were out of touch with their own emotions. So one had to deny how they felt, as this is what their caregivers did.
Or if one is around other people who are grieving, they could end up ignoring their own grief. Looking after the people around them then becomes the priority and how they feel ends up being ignored. And one could be so cut off from their emotions, that they don’t even know that they are experiencing grief.
In The Body
Time can pass and one can have no awareness of their grief. However, it will be trapped in their body and this can lead to certain consequences. The primary area where it will be held is in ones chest, it will then influence ones: feelings, thoughts, behaviour and their physical body.
This can affect ones posture and cause one to bring their head down and their shoulders in, as a way to protect this area. One can end up withdrawing and have no interest in doing anything new or anything in general. Being depressed can be another consequence of carrying trapped grief.
Physically, it can lead to someone having a nose that never seems to stop running, eyes that water and having lung problems, amongst others things.
In order for one to be present and to be able to enjoy life and not just endure it, it will be important for one to release the grief that has built up in their chest. And this can require the assistance of a therapist or a healer; for if one was to do this by themselves, it could be overwhelming.
As well as the feelings in ones chest, there is also likely to be feelings that are under the grief. These will be in the brain that is just above ones stomach, also known as the ego or enteric system. Here, could be the following feelings: powerless, hopeless and death for instance.
There is no set time for how long this process can take either; it can all depend on how much grief one has trapped in their body and how ready they are to let go.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.