Experiencing loss is part of the human experience but that doesn’t mean that someone will grieve after they have experienced a loss. As a result of this, they can do their best to carry on as normal.
Still, this is not to say that they will consciously avoid how they feel as this can be something that will happen automatically. So, as the days, weeks, and months pass, what took place could be a distant memory.
Thanks to how they come across, some of the people in their life could believe that they have actually moved on. These people could also believe that they are very strong for being able to get over what happened.
What this may illustrate is that most if not all of these people don’t allow themselves to grieve after a loss either. Consequently, they won’t be able to realise that one has skipped this stage and hasn’t actually moved on.
After a while, they could end up experiencing another loss and this time they might not be able to carry on as normal. This time, they could end up hitting rock bottom and be in a very bad way.
Then again, this second loss might not be what does it and it could be the loss after. If it isn’t this loss, they won’t be able to avoid how they feel forever.
A Deep Hole
Assuming that it is this loss that has taken them out, they will have gone from how they were to being a very different person practically overnight. Along with feeling very low, they might no longer want to go out, have much motivation and even question if they want to be alive.
When it comes to what has taken place, they might have experienced a breakup or lost a family member, for instance. Up until this point, the pain that relates to their previous loss will have been repressed.
No Way Out
If they are in a bad way, don’t want to go out, have lost just about all motivation and have lost the will to live, it will be as though their life is over. No matter how old they are then or what is going on in their life, they won’t see a reason to be alive.
Being this way is naturally going to stop them from being able to embrace life. And, if a close friend or family member was to tell them that they have so much to live for and that their life will get better, it is unlikely to have much of an impact.
Part of life
However, even though it will seem as though all hope is lost and there is no point in them existing any more, it doesn’t mean that this is the truth. Yet, for them to be able to know this for themselves, they are going to have pain to face and work through.
Additionally, talking about their experience and being creative, among other things, are also likely to help. Ultimately, this is a process as opposed to something that they will do for a few weeks and that’s the end of it.
A Different Approach
By facing the pain they are in and allowing themselves to cry, they will be slowly healing themselves. This is not to say that this will allow their life to ‘go back to normal’ as their life is not going to be the same again – it will be a new normal.
What it does mean is that they will gradually be able to accept that their life is not over and embrace life again. In other words, one door will have closed but another door will soon end up opening.
When it comes to why they avoided facing how they felt after their previous loss and perhaps other losses, it can be due to the fact that they are carrying a lot of pain. This pain can be a consequence of what took place during their formative years.
Throughout this stage of their life, they might have been deprived of the love that they needed. This would then have been a time in their life that was filled with loss, which would have deeply wounded them.
If this is the case, the losses that they have experienced as an adult would have added more pain to the pain that they were already carrying. Thus, their last loss would have pushed them past the point of no return, as their brain would have no longer been able to keep their pain at bay.
A lot of the pain that was held inside their unconscious mind would have poured into their conscious mind. Now that this has taken place, they will no longer be able to run away from what is taking place inside them.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.